The End Or the Beginning?
by A One Girl Revolution
Summary: Clary is scarred out of her mind, she has canncer again. What if she can't survive this twice, she cheated death once, but is it coming back to get her? When a tall, insanely hot blond guy shows up and seams to like her as much as she likes him, Clary has to wonder if there could be a worse time to die. Can something good come of all this, or is that only for fairy tales?
1. Dreams don't come true, Nightmares do

AN: Okay so this story is way different from the others I've written thus far, let me know how it is and if you want me to continue with it. Any suggestions are much appreciated, I love reviews and opinions, flame me if you want, I don't care just tell me what you think.

Disclaimer:

I own the plot, that is all. This is FAN fiction...so you do the math...lol

No, this couldn't be real, no no no! I sat in the car in the parking lot, trying to calm down enough to drive. I wondered how much it really mattered, even if I didn't die today, on the way home how much longer did I really have?

Maybe it was all a bad dream, I'd had this nightmare before the one where the cancer came back. But this time it was real. This time there was no waking up to find that I was safe.

I looked at the phone in my lap, I could call my mom or my step dad to come get me. I didn't feel like putting up with my mom's tears though, and Luke would be just as upset as mom, he was better at staying calm though, so maybe I should call him.

My phone rang, it was Simon, I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Clary, You want to hang out at my place when I get off work?"

"Ummm sure I guess, what time do you off?" I tried to keep my voice steady, I tried to sound like I was okay, I failed.

"Clary what's wrong?" He knew me too well.

"I'm in the parking lot of the doctors office..."

"Oh," his voice was full of concern, "bad news?"

"It's back."

"Oh Clary, do you want me to come get you?" he would to, I knew he would, just leave work and come and get me.

"No, I'll be fine." Maybe.

"You sure you can drive?"

"Yea I'll come by and wait for you to get off, okay? Can we still hang out latter."

"Duh."

I smiled, I felt a little better already, I was still scarred out of my mind but what ever happened Simon would be there for me he always was.

On the way you the little ice cream shop where Simon worked I tried not to think about all the things I would never get to do if I died. I had never had a real boy friend, not anything serious any way. I was starting college this fall, I wanted to live! I slammed on the brakes as I realized the light in front of me was red. My brakes screeched and the person in the car behind me honked their horn angrily. Screw them! They weren't probably dying of cancer. They weren't dying without having ever had a love life or really a life at all.

I remembered the first time, I had been 14. I remembered my mom crying, I remembered not being able to look at her for days, she didn't stop crying and it was all my fault! I also remembered Luke coming into to my room that night when he got home from work, holding me in his arms as I let out the tears I'd been holding in all day. With my mom I had needed to be strong, hind the fear. With Luke I could let it out, he was strong enough to take care of me, I remember thinking that, even though I didn't want to be taken care of, I wanted to be okay, it was good to have Luke though. He was my dad, I never met my birth father, my mom had left him before I was born. My birth father had beaten my mom and she was afaid he would hurt me. I shook my head no more thinking, this time would not be like last, time last I was a kid, this time I was 20 . I would not cry, I would not freak out, I would not almost die, not like last time. This time would be like last time in one way and one way only, I would survive.

She pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream shop. She got out of the car and walked in.

"I'll be right back." Simon said glancing at his boss, Ella nodded and smiled sympathetically, "Get her whatever she wants, it's on the house."

Ella had seen his face when he got off the phone and demanded to know what was wrong.

"Jace cover for Simon, I have some paperwork to do."

"Sure." Jace replied in his normal bored tone.

"Clary." Simon said as she walked in, "Sie." she threw herself at him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

"It's going to be okay. You're a survivor."

"But what if I can't do it again?"

"You can. Want some ice cream? It's on the house."

"You didn't tell anyone did you?"

"Ella demanded to know what was wrong. You know how she is." he knew she didn't want anyone to know but saying no to Ella was not an option and Clary knew her well enough to know that.

"Yea." she admitted.

"Mint chocolate chip with butterscotch topping?" he asked, he knew it was her favorite although he thought it was gross.

She nodded.

Just then Mia walked in, she was Clary and Simon's friend and she worked here too.

"What happened?" she exclaimed as she saw their faces.

Simon glanced at Clary.

"I have cancer." she said softly.

Mia pulled the smaller girl into a big hug, "It's gonna be ok, you can beat this."

"Get over here. I want to leave." Jace said impatiently.

"Coming." she answered sweetly, too sweetly, she winked at Clary. She walked over and slapped him across the face.

"Mia!" Clary exclaimed, but she was laughing.

"Think that's funny little red?" she glanced at him, noticing him for the first time, God he was hot!

"Yes, actually, I'm sure it is. Thank you, I needed a laugh."

He saw something in her eyes and his face softened.

"Sorry, I was being an ass. I'll take it to her." he said to Mia. She gave him a hard look, they were friends but he really could be an ass sometimes.

"I'm not gonna poison her." he reassured her. "Simon you trusted me right?"

"No, but I don't think you'll poison her." they were also friends, everyone who worked there was, but they argued basically all the time.

"Here you go." he said setting it down it front of her.

"Thanks."

"Yep, mind if join you?" my brother is meeting me here soon.

"Sure, go ahead." if he was here she couldn't think about you know what.

"I'm Jace by the way."

"I'm Clary." she said, "Are you new here? I haven't seen you here before."

"Been here for a few months, I work weird hours. I'm in med school and working as an inturn at the hospital."

"Really? What do you do.?"

I'm working in the cancer wing. That's what I want to do. They said I'll have a job there if I want it." he said proudly.

She lost it. She started sobbing right there, sitting at a table with a hot guy she just met.

"What? What did I say?" Shit, he decided to try to be nice to this girl for some reason and it made her cry, why did he care?

"I-I have cancer. I just found out."

"Oh...I'm sorry. You seem strong to me, I'm sure you'll be fine."

She started crying more at the kindness in his voice.

"It's going to be okay, I'll make sure I can be there the days you come in okay?" He didn't know he said it but it felt right.

She didn't know why but it made her feel better.

"Thanks. I'm going next monday at 1:00."

"I'll be there."

She smiled, then she thought of something. "Just wondering why do work here if you're an interturn there?"

He smiled, "I need money. Interns have to work their asses off for basically nothing."

They started talking, just about pointless stuff but it took mind off of cancer and that was what mattered.

"Jace you ready?" A pale boy with dark hair asked.

"Yea one sec."

"You okay till the geek gets off?"

"He's not a geek and yea I'll be fine. Thanks."

"See you Monday."

"Right. Thanks." she repeated.

As he left she realized she was looking forward seeing him again, even if it had to be at the hospital.

AN: So how was it? Review! XD

I'm dyslexic (and this is the first I ever spelled dyslexic without spell check correcting me! Yaaay!) so if anything is messed up (spelling, repeated words, missing words and what not) let me know. XP


	2. Chapter 2

It was 10:00 at night, I hadn't talked to mom or Luke since that morning, mom was flipping out, she kept calling me, I keep not answering...it was just too hard. Finally Luke called, knew I had to answer it, I had to face him, it was better then talking to mom. Simon wrapped his arm around me, Mia who had invited herself over after work, whispered, "You can do it."

"Hello?" I said my voice shaking against my best efforts to keep it steady.

"Clary what's wrong? Are you at Simon's? I'm drivin over there now. Your mom wanted me to come looking for you, it was that or she was gonna call the cops."

Oh mom...

"Yea I'm here, I'm okay for now. Just... I'll tell you when you get here."

"Ok."

She hung up the phone and began crying again, Mia hugged her tightly, and Simon awkwardly stroked her hair.

There was a knock at the door, "You want me to get it?" Simon ask knowing it was Luke.

She shook her head, "I have to do this ." she wiped the tears away and went to the door.

As soon as Luke saw the look on her face he knew what was wrong. He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her tight. "Oh sweetheart." he felt tears in his own eyes but he pushed them back.

"It's back. Oh Luke it's not fair!"

"I know honey, I know."

Simon and Mia had snuck off to the kitchen, they were both unsure what to do so they hid.

Luke lead her to the couch and sat down, pulling her into his lap like he had when she was a child.

"I'll squash you!" she protested.

"No you won't." she was so tiny and delicate looking, she wasn't really that much bigger than she had been when she was 14, but she was much stronger then she appeared, she had a good chance of survival, but that didn't make it less scary and he knew that right now the best thing he could do for his little girl was to just hold her, make her feel safe. So that's what did, he held her close while cried into his shoulder, but unlike last time she seemed to have a plan, he didn't know what it was, she didn't even know that she had one, she sisn't really not yet, but she wasn't as desperate this time. Maybe it was because she was older but she had like she had at 14 years old until the ice cream shop, that hot blond ass hole had made her feel so much better. So much stronger.

"Do you want me to break it to your mom?" he asked after a while.

"I can't ask you to do that."

"Clary, I know you're trying to be brave but let me do this for you okay? I'd take the cancer for you if I could but let me do what I can."

She didn't know how to respond to that, so she wrapped her arms around his neck in a big hug, "Thanks Luke." she whispered, "For Everything, I love you daddy."

She rarely called him that, even when she was little, but times like this it was the only word to express how much she loved him.

"I love you too baby." he felt tears running down his face.

She stayed at Simon's that night, so did Mia, they managed to keep her spirits up, to a point anyway. At any rate it was better than being alone.

She managed to get through the next few days better than expected. She realized that in a way she was looking forward to Monday, she really wanted to see Jace again and when she went to the ice cream shop he was never there. Also on Monday they would be doing tests...she would have a better idea of what her chances were...she was scared to find out but what it was she would deal with it, not knowing was worse.

Monday

Mia had insisted on driving me, Simon had to work and mom...I didn't want mom to take me, I wasnt a little kid. I knew I needed to spend time with mom but not yet. I needed to deal with this on my own first, or on my own with my friends...Mia and Simon wouldn't leave me alone. I think Simon told her about last time...it wouldn't be like that, I was okay this time...sort of. Still maybe it was good that they didn't let me be alone too much, it made it harder to give in to the voice that kept saying there was no point in getting up, in getting of bed, in doing anything...that was after all what Simon was worried about.

"Okay girl, we're here." Mia announced as she pulled into the parking lot.

I opened my eyes, "Are we still alive?" why had I let her drive. A better question was how had she gotten her license? She was that bad. The thing was though she was a safe driver...kinda...I'd seen worse at any rate...it just didn't feel safe you know?

"Yes. I'm not that bad!" she protested. She was though.

We got out of the car and began walking toward the door.

"Look out, hot jerk at 3 O'clock."

"He's not a jerk."

"Yea not to you anyway. I've never seen him like that with anyone else."

"We will continue this at a latter none Jace infested time." I said quickly. He really didn't need to hear us talking about him.

"Hey little red." he said opening door for me, he was such a gentlemen!

"Hey." I said quietly, the smell of the hospital hitting me and reminding me of where I was and why.

Mia had clearly been about to insult him but my mood change distracted her.

"Clary? Honey, it's alright."

"Hey, now little red, it's not all that bad, you're gonna be fine." his voice had been light and almost excited a moment before, but now he sounded worried, and... reassuring...? It was strange when other people said I would be okay it felt like they were saying it because they had to. Even though he was basically a stranger his words made me feel better. But why?

"Aren't you supposed to be working?" I asked just as something to say.

"Nope." he said popping the p. "I wasn't supposed to work today, but I wanted to be here for you, so I talked doctor Green into letting be here just for you."

Wow..."Thanks...you didn't have to do that." What the hell? Did he like me? Like LIKE like me? Did I like him back? I think so! But this was not the time for such things...I was maybe dying. I shouldn't be having crushes now...right?

"Clary?" it was Mia. She and Jace were staring at me. How long had I zoned out for?

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I said it's no problem, not lets get you signed in."

He sat with me in the waiting room, just talking, he even managed to make me forget where I was a few times.

"Clary Frey." said a nurse. The nurse of doom, that's what I had called the nurse that calls you in from the waiting room when I was 14, it seemed to have stuck.

Mia squeezed my hand.

Jace stood up to go with me.

"I'm sorry sir only Miss Fray can come back."

He turned so she could see his face and gave her a hard glare.

"Oh Jace it's you! I'm sorry, I didn't know, I thought you had the day off."

"I do, but Dr. Green allowed me to come in and assist with this lovely young lady."

The nurse looked confused, Jace didn't do things like that, but what ever, they may have dated for a few weeks but that was long over.

Jace lead me to the room the nurse told him to, "I'll be right back."

I just nodded.

He came back, "Okay I'm supposed to take your vitals, okay?"

Again I just nodded, I was starting to go numb the way I did when I knew bad news was likely to come, that way I didn't feel it. I was starting to think about dying again but i didn't really care, that's just the way it worked when I let myself go numb. It wasn't ideal, it wasn't healthy, but I had to cope and that's how I did it.

He did what had to be done, talking to me the whole time, it kept me from zoning out comptly that was a good thing, I think.

I wanted to help her, I wanted to make her better, I wanted to make everyone better, but she was different. I barely knew her but I knew I had to save her.

Dr. Green told me that I was going to go crazy, I couldn't save the world and if I couldn't acpet that I wouldn't last very long in this field. But I didn't care, if I saved people then who cared if I lost my sanity, it wasn't like I was exactly the most sane person in the world to begin with.

"What kind of music do you like?"

I asked to give her something to think about other than death, I knew that look in her eye, she was clearly thinking about dark, bad, scary things.

"Metal, hard rock, rap, basically anything."

I smiled, "Same." I knew there was a reason I liked this girl. Wait did I like her like that? I didn't know, I pushed it aside I could think about it later.

"What bands do you like?"

"Green day, Thousand Foot Krutch,"

I smiled again, TFK? They were amazing but on one had ever heard of them."

"I love TFK!" I took her pulse again, it had been to fast the first time but now she seemed calmer, I was right, it was only a little faster then it should have been this time.

"Really? Most people have never heard of them. Did you know their going to have a concert here in a few weeks?"

I did but now I was also thinking it might make a good first date...

"Yea you going?"

"Probably are you?" stupid question Jace! Who knew if shed be able to go?

"If I can. So yes, yes I am."

She seemed to be trying to use positive thinking to beat this, it worked I believed that but it had to be hard and I really hoped she could do it. I figured having definite plans might help some how.

"Cool wanna plan on meeting up then?"

She actually smiled at that. "Sounds good."

I had to take her to another room and get her ready for a test. I couldn't stay with her during it. There was something I could do though. I took her to the room, we were still talking about music, she seemed like almost all the same bands I did.

I got her ready, then I stayed with her while she waited for the doctor. When he came in I went over and asked him something, he gave me a long hard look that said 'remember what I said about saving the world.'

"Be careful Jace." was all he said. I knew what he meant, he didn't want to get hurt, every time we lost a patient I was likely to hit something, as long I did where no one could see he let it go. But he could tell I cared way too much about this girl.

I nodded, but it was too late for that.

I came back with my MP3 player, IPods were too expensive but it was a nice MP3 player.

"Here, you're gonna have to lay still, but you can listen to this, what do you want to listen to?"

She shrugged.

"I'll surprise you." I put it on a play list, the first three songs were all good and encouraging. I thought they would do her good.

"Ever heard of Discipl or Manafest?"

She shook her head.

"I think you'll like them, you should be able to listen to the first 3 songs. Then I'll come get you okay? Oh by the way, I sent Mia home, that girl can't drive, I'll take you home okay?"

"Thanks." she looked a little confused but I swear she also looked a little happy. I helped Dr. Green hook her up to the machine and left.

As she lay there, lying perfectly still as instructed, she listen to the music Jace had put on for her.

The first song was really good "I'm a fighter, I'm a fighter." she was a fighter she had a good chance, maybe Jace had chose these songs with a purpose. The next one was even better, it reflected the way she felt about the cancer and the treatment of the cancer, was that what the song was about? She would have to ask Jace. The last one was Learn to Breath by TFK, one of her favorites! As the song neared the end she knew Jace was about to come in, she couldn't wait to talk to him about music some more. Was she really crushing on a hot guy at a time like this? Was that okay? She didn't know but she thought she liked it.

AN: So what do you think?

The song she was listening to are Fighter by Manafest, Shot Heard Round the Word by Disciple and then obviously Learn to Breath by TFK. Lol Anyone heard of any of these bands? Thier really good! you should look them up! XD Shot Heard around the World is about someone who has cancer so that's why I used it. And if you have read my other stories you know I'm obsessed with TFK. =D And everyone should listen to Manafest because he's amazing and he's my hero. He almost killed himself but he didn't and now he saves lifes with his music and yea...I'm gonna stop now...cuz I doubt you care...XP lol


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Please try not to hate me too much. I know I haven't updated in ages...please forgive me. "I beg of thee on a bended knee." Reviews get sneak peeks! XD**

Oh and anyone catch the Anne of Green Gables reference? lol "I beg of thee on a bended knee." I used to have that whole speech memorized. XD

  
Clary

I got in the car with him. I probably shouldn't be doing this, but Mia wouldn't have left me if she didn't think it was safe.  
"Promise me you're not a murder."  
I said mostly joking.  
He smiled, damn, he was even better looking when he did that!  
"Would a murder have this?" held up a CD.  
"The End is Where We Began!" it was TFK's newest CD, it had just come out and I didn't have it yet.  
"Yep." he put it in and I felt reassured by the sound of Trevor (the lead singer's) voice.

"Where to my lady?"

I didn't want to go home. Simon was working, I didn't have to work, I was going to have to quite work...(I loved my job at the music store). Who knew where Mia was?  
"Home I guess." I told him where I lived.  
"You don't sound thrilled about going home."  
"Yea well, I'm not. But it's a necessary evil."  
"That may be true, however you don't have to go home right now."

I should though, I knew I should.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Want to have some fun?"  
I was dying. Of course I wanted to have fun!  
"What do you have in mind?"

...

Jace

Okay so now that I thought about it I didn't have anything in mind, and I had promised to do something with Max...okay I could work with that.  
"I'm taking my little brother Max to the movies. You could come."  
It might be kinda like a date...maybe. No Jace, you don't date, and don't start with a girl who might die... if you have to start at all.

...  
Clary

The movies? Did this count as a date? No, the little kid kept it from being a date. But it was sweet that he spent time with his little brother.  
"Sure, if you're sure he won't mind me coming."

I swear to you he looked relieved when I said yes. I had to be imagining it though right?

...

Jace

"Na, he won't mind." I said, trying sound like I wasn't way more excited than I had any right to be.  
What was wrong with me?!

...

That day was a bright spot in the week of gray that followed. She was surprised at how much fun she had with Jace and Max, they went to a movie then took Max to Chucky Cheese. It was fun, she forgot about the cancer and just relaxed for a few hours. Jace didn't fuss over her, try to make her rest, like other people did.

…...

Jace

I didn't want to fuss over her, but after after having beaten her at the basketball game 7 times in a row i noticed she was breathing hard. She needed to sit down and rest. But how could I say that without hurting her feelings.  
Max saved me. "Jace! Can I have some ice cream?"  
"Sure, you want some too Clary?"  
If she was eating ice-cream she had to be sitting down. I was smart! Okay...so maybe not so much but still...I was a med student at age 21, that however could just have been because if I was studying my ass off I couldn't be thinking about... other things.

...

When Jace took her home she was feeling good. She was even able to spend some time with her mom. When Luke got home from work he was glad to see she was doing better.

She was "okay" for a few days, she was still going to work, she wasn't going to quiet till she got the test results back next week, if she needed to quiet, she knew it was likely but she had a little bit of hope that maybe the results would be better then would she knew they would be.

Then on Friday she had the day off, she was supposed meet Simon at the ice cream shop at 3:00 when he got off. He didn't want to give her a whole day to do nothing but think, he knew both her mom and Luke would be at work all day and probably have to stay late,Clary being alone for that long right now was something he and Mia were not going to let happen.

When she woke up at 9:00 she was hit by familiar feeling of hopelessness, and worry. She went back to sleep to avoid it. Every time she woke up it hit her and she went back to sleep to escape. It wasn't real sleep, it was that half sleep that your body allows you to slip into at will when you're depressed or anxious, of course she wasn't always able to do this, sometimes it didn't work, but it was working now so she was going with it. Even as she slept a part of her knew she shouldn't be doing this, but she didn't care, she'd gone numb again and she just didn't care.

Her phone rang, she ignored it, she ignored it over and over and over, finally she sat, up grabbed the phone, turned it off and threw it across the room.

"You better have a good explanation for the fact that you've been on your phone for the past half an hour"  
Simon glanced over at Ella, he knew he was in trouble, but he didn't really care, all he cared about was that Clary wasn't answering.

"Clary was supposed to meet me here when I got off, so I just wanted to make sure she was feeling up to it."  
Ella nodded, that was fine, but he had been ignoring customers, and that was far from fine.  
"She's not answering and now it's not even ringing!"  
She sighed, she would let him go but but it was almost the busiest time of the day and only he and Jace were here, plus Jace had also been pretty out of it all day. She could manage the busy time with two half there employees but not one.

Jace however had heard what Simon had said and it snapped him out of whatever fog he'd been lost in.

"Someone needs to cheek on her!"  
"I'm sorry neither of you can leave. One of you can go as soon as the rush is over though." she hated doing this, she cared about Clary too, but she had worked hard to make this place what it was and she wasn't about to risk losing that.  
Jace looked like he was fighting something inside himself, trying to control his anger and decide if he should just leave.  
Simon also was deciding how much he needed this job- a lot, that was the answer. But not as much as he needed a best friend...how bad was she? He didn't think she was a danger to herself. Not physically. Not yet. The thing was she might just give up. Stop trying to fight the cancer, just lay there, not eat, just let it take her. That's what she tried last time. That's what she seemed to be doing now.

Just then a girl walked in, lots of hot girls came in here, but this girl was so hot she took his mind off Clary for a full half a second. She was wearing bright yellow tights, black thigh high boots with platform heels, a black mini skirt and a tight black and silver tank top. He glanced at Jace, expecting the other boy to be as interested as he was. Instead Jace rolled his eyes.  
"Izz what are you doing here?"  
"What I can't visit my favorite brother at work?"  
Jace knew right away that she wanted something.  
"Simon you can stop staring, she's my sister and if you don't stop staring I'll have to kill you."

Simon looked away.

"Chill Jace, don't scare the poor boy." she smiled at Simon. "Ignore him. I'm Isabelle by the way."

"Izz I need you to do something for me."  
"And that would be what?"  
"I need you to cover my shift."  
"What?" both she and Simon asked at the same time.  
"I need to go check on a friend."  
"But-but-" Simon spluttered. "I've know know since we were kids!"  
"But sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know as well."  
"Fine, but only if you come to my party latter. I need more people. There will be lots of hot girls. I promise."  
"Do I need to bring a date?"  
"It would preferable, yes, unless you want my friends drooling on you."  
Jace looked at Simon, "You and Mia should come too. Don't protest. I know you like her."  
It was true but, "She's dating Jordan again."  
"Then invite them and you can go with me."  
Simon looked shocked, "You?" he repeated stupidly - much to Jace's amusement.  
"Yea me." she smiled not unkindly.  
"And you can bring your friend you have to check on."  
"I can?" it was Simon's turn to be hated himself for a moment. Had he really just showen feeling? It wasn't much but for him it was too much.  
"If you can get her out of the house go ahead. But if you play any of your games with her." Simon warned. Forgetting how easily Jace could snap him in half.  
"You don't scare me geek. But Mia does so I'll watch my step." he smirked, but the truth was he didn't think he could find it in himself to hurt Clary even if he wanted to. And he didn't. He never meant to hurt any girl, sometimes it just happened. He really just didn't quite get how much power he had over girls. He knew it was there, but it was just a game to him and a part of him thought it was a game to the girls he was playing it with too. Sometime it was, but sometimes not. Clary was different though.

"Ella my sister is covering for me. Someone has to check on Clary, like now." Jace informed her.  
"Fine." she was worried about Clary too. "I doubt she can be any worse at this then you've been today."  
But Jace didn't hear her, he was already out the door.

I couldn't think of a name for this chapter. Someone help me? Please? lol I would have waited to post it till I came up with a name...but think I waited more then long enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N So if anyone still cares about this story like two months later... :/ I'm so sorry! I've been busy and I didn't know where to go with this story so when I had time I worked on one of my other stories...please note that writing three stories at once is a bad idea...**

Bang bang bang!  
I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow.  
Bang bang bang!  
I put the pillow over my head.  
Bang bang bang!  
I tried to ignore it but now the person was shouting as well as banging.

"Go away!" I yelled. There was no way I was answering the door looking like this.

Finally the banging stopped and I rolled over to go back to sleep. I sighed I shouldn't be doing this. I knew that. Really I did...but my bed was warm and it felt safe...and I just couldn't be bothered to move...then out of nowhere: Bang bang bang! This time it was coming from my window... I reached for my phone to call 911, where was it? Oh that's right it was right where I had so intelligently thrown it...I was soooo smart. I slipped out of bed and dropped to the ground, my heart pounding. I didn't look at the window, just kept low and crawled over to where my old baseball bat was sitting in the corner - and mom says I need to get rid of stuff I don't use? I told her it might save my life someday (granted I was being a sarcastic brat at the time but hey, I turned out to be right didn't I?).

I knew who ever was at the window couldn't see me. Maybe they would go away. I vaguely realized that they were calling me name...that was odd... wait I thought I recognized the voice too...but I couldn't be sure...their was no way...why in hell would he be here? I couldn't look to see who it was without him seeing me... what should I do?

Wait a second...the window...it had been open last night, I had closed it before going to bed... closed it but not locked it. No sooner had the thought crossed mind then I head the wood creak as he pushed it up. Without thinking I charged out of my hiding place and toward the intruder.

"Clary! Stop!" He shouted!

I froze as I realized it was Jace. I really didn't want to crush his skull with my baseball bat. However on second thought I didn't know why he was here. I barely knew him. Why was he here? At my house? Trying to get into my room? I froze but didn't lower the bat.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I demanded.

"Oh you know, making sure you're okay, almost getting killed by you..."

"You were trying to break into my room!" Could he really have been checking on me?

"You wouldn't answer the door. I was worried."

He was worried? "So you almost scared me to death?" I demanded.

"I didn't know what else to do." his tone is arrogant but I think he sounds a little bit unsure. Afraid almost, however I'm sure this boy doesn't even know what fear is let alone what it feels like.

I take a step closer, "So why are you really here?"

"To check on you. The nerd said you weren't answering your phone...I see you murdered it." he said nodding to where it lay on the ground. I noticed for the first time that there was a huge crack across the screen.  
"Shit." I mumbled. Then I realized what he had said about Simon.

"Watch what you say about Simon. I'm still ready to smash in your head you know."

He just raised an eyebrow.

"So are you okay?"

"Yeah..." I was starting to calm down. For whatever reason I didn't think Jace would hurt me. I realized I was still holding the bat up and that for some reason it was shaking...

"You should lie down."

"I'm fine." but now my whole body was shaking...it was like the fear wasn't really kicking in till now, after the fact. Because that makes sense...only you know, not.

"You really should lie down Clary." he didn't sound arrogant anymore. He sounded worried.

"I'm fine." I repeated, but now I could barely stand.

I think it must have been pretty clear something was wrong because just before I started to fall I saw him put his hands on the window sill and swing himself up and over, into my room. I started to fall, everything went black, my last thought was that I should have hit the ground by now.****

A/N I'm sorry it's so short but I wanted to post something and this seemed like a good place to stop. I'll try to work on the next chapter tonight after work and I'll try my best to get it up tomorrow.

Please review! It will inspire me to write faster, plus you'll get a sneak peek. Tell me what the best and worst parts are so far. (If you can still remember anything from the other chapters :P)


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I really wanted to have this up like a week ago and I'm really sorry I didn't finish it till like an hour ago. :P It's a lot longer than the last chapter though so that's something right? I proofread as best as could but I was kinda in a hurry so just let me know if I made any awful mistakes and I'll fix it asap. At the end of the chapter let me know what you liked the best and what you think should happen at the party. I love suggestions! XD **

**P.S. If it's really that horrible I'm open to getting a beta for this story so let me know if you think I need one.**

Breath Jace, you can't afford to lose it right now. Breath. It's gonna be okay, you're a doctor (more or less) you can do this. I wasn't sure if talking to yourself like this was normal or not but ever since I could remember this was how I dealt with stress. Not that it always worked; but it had to work right now. I couldn't have a panic attack right now, I just couldn't. Clary needed me.

When I saw her start shaking I hadn't been too worried but as it got worse I realized how much stress she was under right now, add this to the stress of having cancer and worrying whether or not she would make it and I realized how bad this was. She started swaying and I acted without thinking (That is after all my specialty), swinging myself up and into her room, catching her just before she hit the ground.

I held her in my arms for a moment trying to think what to do. You would think this would be easy for me being that I'm an intern and at the top of my class and just all around awesome but it wasn't. I had gone so long without a full out panic attack but I still remembered the warning signs, I knew if I didn't pull it together I would be utterly useless to Clary.

My mind started remembering things better forgotten.

_"Jace don't leave me." I wasn't leaving her she was leaving me. Just like everyone always did in the end._  
_"It's going to be okay Sarah. I won't leave you, not ever." I remembered whispering, my voice breaking._  
I shook my head. I couldn't think about this right now. Not if I didn't want to risk losing Clary too.

I lie her gently in her bed and pull the covers over her, remembering to keep her warm so she wouldn't go into shock.

I carefully took her pulse, it was fast and slightly irregular. She was fine for now but I needed to bring it down to normal as soon as I could.

Again I fought down a flashback.

_"Jace you can stop taking my pulse now. We both know I'm dying."_

_I didn't move my hand from her wrist only stroked her hair with my other hand. I needed to feel the beating of her heart for as long as I could. I didn't want to ever forget what it felt like. "Don't talk like that. You're gonna be fine."_

_"Alec told me what the doctor said Jace. It's okay. I'll get to be with mom and dad. Jace it will okay. You'll have Alec and Izzy and don't forget Max. I'll see you again I promise." I remembered the calm in her voice. I was glad she had made peace with this but I hadn't._

I snapped out of it when I heard Clary groan.

Normally after thinking about Sarah I was prone to being an ass whole - more so even than normal - but as I looked at Clary I felt all my irritability melt away.

"Hey there little red." I whispered softly.  
"Don't call me that." she mumbled.  
I smiled. "Sure thing little red."  
She looked up at me confused and I felt my brief happiness fade as the worry returned.  
"Do know your name?" I asked.  
"That's a stupid question." she said her voice still weak but I figured this must be a good sign.  
"Come on." I said trying to be professional about this to make sure I took the best care of her I could. I had to wonder again why she mattered so much. I mean yeah every patient meant the world to me and I wanted to save every single one. But normally it was almost more about saving them in order to not leave anyone alone. To keep their loved ones from ending up like me then it was about saving the person for their own sake. Its not that I wanted them to die but I always almost envied them the relief death must bring. Their loved ones on the other hand got anything but relief. I knew that all to well.

She just stared up and me with her huge green eyes and I wondered if I had zoned out again.  
"Are you okay?" she asked softly.  
I realized that a single tear was running down my check.

"Fine." I answered automatically. Then I came to my seances.  
"Anyway it's you I'm worried about."

"Well you wouldn't have to worry about me if you hadn't caused this in the first place." she quipped.

Well I figured she must be okay if she could act like this...right? I wasn't sure, some people were too good at faking okay for their own good. I should know.  
"Clary, do you know what your name is?" I demanded in a moment of panic induced stupidity.

"Even if I hadn't I would now."

I rolled my eyes. "Please just let me make sure you're okay. It's that or I'm taking you to the hospital."

"I am not going to the hospital." she said firmly.

I nodded, understanding why she wouldn't want to go there. I also didn't want to have to take her and explain what had happened. Somehow I had a feeling it might reflect badly on me. I would if I felt I couldn't handle this though. As much as I hated appearing less than perfect I knew couldn't risk her safety for the sake making myself look good.

"Fine forget the name question."

"Believe me I would if I could." she said lightly but I could tell she was still shaken.

"Look please let me make sure you're okay."

"If I'm not it's your fault."

"Don't you think I know that!" I yelled in exasperation.

Her eyes got bigger but instead of shirking away she reached out and put one of her small hands over mine.

"I'm fine. But go ahead. Check my vitals and ask your questions if it will make you feel better."

"It will."

"Good. However there are two conditions to my cooperation."

She fixed her beautiful eyes on me in a intent stare as if daring me to refuse her deal.

"And what would they be?"

"One: You have to tell me why you are here. Two: stop lying and let me make sure you're okay."

"Lying about what?"

"Everything."

"To my knowledge I have never lied to you." I lied. But I mean really the only lie I had told her was that I was fine. I hadn't been fine since I was 10. But there was no way she could know that. Only the Lightwoods knew that and for the most part they just let me pretend I was okay.

"What do you mean make sure I'm okay?"

"You were crying."

"I wasn't."

"I said no lying." came her reply. Her voice was calm but I could tell she hated being lied to.

"No lying." I repeated nodding.  
"But first let me check you out."

"That sounded wrong." she said raising her eyebrows. I briefly wondered why she didn't raise just one like most people do. Maybe she couldn't. That would be so cute. What the hell was wrong with me? I really was losing it!

"Look you have no reason to trust me. But I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise. Do you trust me?"

"I don't think I should..." she looked unsure.

"But do you?" I knew that people didn't always feel what they think they should.

"Yes...I think I do."

I relaxed. I hadn't even noticed how tense I had been.  
"Thank you."

"However you should know I'm stronger then I look. Even now. Try anything and I can't promise it will end well for you."

"I wouldn't dare think of trying anything." she gazed intently at me and I think she was trying to figure out if I was making fun of her. I wasn't really sure what I was doing but knew I couldn't hurt her.

I took her pulse, talking soothingly to her the whole time. It was still a little fast but at least it was steady this time. Then I looked into her eyes, checking for dilated pupils or a glazed look or anything that could mean something was wrong. All I found were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.

"You're creeping me out."

"Sorry. I just needed to check your eyes."

"And how they?"

"Beautiful."

"Jace." her voice was warning but she sounded scared.

I realized she thought I was trying to hide something. Like I had found something wrong and didn't want to tell her. I would never do that but I knew she had no way of knowing that.  
"Clary your fine. If I find anything wrong I'll tell you."

"You wouldn't make me wait 7 to 14 days?"

The test. That was what was bothering her. "If I can manage to get your the results early I will. I promise." I never promised anyone anything. Ever.

"Thanks."

I gave her a reassuring smile. "No problem. Now follow my figure with your eyes."

"I feel stupid." she mumbled.

"Well I feel alot better knowing you're okay and that is clearly all that matters." she stuck her tung out at me and I laughed. I wondered vaguely when the last time I had laughed was. Probably that day I spent with her last week.

"So I'm okay?"

"Well I'd like to take your temperature but I'll think you're fine."

"You mean you don't keep a bag of doctor stuff in your car mister mature doctor."

"Right...cuz mature doctors always scare the person they came to check on half to death."

"Ah so that's why you did it then."

I laughed again. "Umm...yea...let's go with that."

"There's thermometer in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom." she told me where to find it and I went to get it.  
I found it without too much trouble but I found something else to.

I returned carrying the thermometer and a stethoscope. I saw her eyes get big at the site of it and wondered why.

"Where did you find that?"

"In the cabinet. What? You don't know what's in your own medicine cabinet?"

"I haven't opened it...in a long time. Since I was 14. The meds I had to take last time were kept in there...I don't like that cabinet."

Oh. Well then. What did I say to that? It's not like I could make fun of her. There was a whole room of my house I hadn't been in in over 5 years almost 6, but I didn't want to think about that.

"Oh." was all I said.

"Pathetic right?"

If only she knew. "Not really."

"It's okay. I know how screwed up I am." she said, I think she wanted me think she was joking and maybe she was. I doubt it though. Gee if she thought she was messed up what would she think of me? I didn't even want to know. I felt myself harden a little. It was okay. I had been acting to soft anyway. Everyone I loved ended up dying. It was as if I was freaking cursed. I had lost a lot (at one point I had thought I had lost everything) but I still had a lot to lose, the last thing I needed was one more person to worry about losing. I couldn't take another loss I just couldn't.

"Jace?" she asked softly.  
"Yes." my voice was cool, calm, back to normal.  
"Are you okay?" she looked worried and I felt myself start to soften again. 'Just another chance to get hurt.' I reminded myself. 'You don't need that. All you really want is a little bit of fun. Izzy's party is just what you need.' I could find a girl there easy enough. Most of those girls would take their clothes off for me as soon as they looked at me if I even hinted that I was interested. Clary wasn't like that. Clary wouldn't be easy. I had a feeling even getting a kiss from her would be a challenge. Maybe even for me. I knew I could do it . I wouldn't though. I couldn't mess with her like that. I didn't do that. Not with girls like her. I wasn't good enough for her. I knew that. I didn't want to hurt her.

"I'm fine." I snapped.

She looked at me for a moment and I thought she was going to try to cox the truth out of me. Man was I wrong.

"Okay then. What ever you say." it felt like her eyes digging into my soul but her voice was hard. I couldn't blame her. She was trying to help the screwed up boy who almost scared her to death and all I could do was snap at her. It was better this way though, either way I would hurt her. It was less painful for both of us this way.

"Open up." I stuck the thermometer in her mouth and smirked at her startled expression. She opened her mouth to protest but I simply shook my head and told she need to keep it under her tongue for 60 seconds. She narrowed her eyes at me and I smirked again.

"Sorry. This is the most accurate way to take it...well second most." she looked at me in horror and I laughed.

She rolled her eyes. I hoped she didn't hate me too much.

One minute later I took the thermometer out.  
"Perfect." I said as I saw what it said.  
"And now for your part of the deal."  
"Not yet." she glared at me. "Chill, I'll explain why I'm here in a sec. First I have one more thing to do." I picked up the stethoscope. "Deep breaths."

"Fine." she muttered. "But I thought mom finally got rid of that thing."

It occurred to me to wonder why she had it. It wasn't like it was something most people have laying around.  
"Why do you have it?"

She looked at me and I thought she wasn't going to answer. But then: "I was a "problem pregnancy"...I almost died several times...mom bought it so she could listen to my heart beat every night before she went to bed..."

"I'm glad you didn't die." I said oh so awkwardly.  
"So am I." she replied.

Then there was an awkward silence.  
"My mom had lost a baby." I blurted out for no good reason. Gee Jace. You're losing it. I chastised myself. But I thought about it (among other painful things) all the time so I guess it just popped out.  
"I'm sorry." she said softly, taking my hand again.  
"It was a long time ago."  
"How old were you?"  
"Seven." I shook my head. "Sorry. Enough about me. A good doctor doesn't complain about his life to his patients."  
"What about to his friends?" I must have gave her a weird look because she asked. "We are friends right?"  
I nodded both because I thought we were and I didn't know what else to do or how to tell I couldn't be her friend, I only ever hurt people.  
"Of course we are."  
"Good." she said letting me leave it at that to my great relief.  
Her heart sounded fine and I was finally conceived that I hadn't caused her any harm.

I explained what had happened at the ice-cream shop. "So care to tell me why you wouldn't answer the phone? Or the door for that matter?" I asked.

She shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"I'm sure it did." my voice dripped sarcasm. "You do know not lying works both ways, right?"

"I... It was just too much. Sleeping was easier than facing real life." she looked away. "And now you think I'm crazy."

I felt like that everyday more or less. "Not really, no." I answered, earning myself confused yet relieved glance.

"You should eat something." I said thinking after the scare I gave her some food and water would do her some good.

"I'm not hungry."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Ummmm... Last night?"

"Clary! It's-" I glanced at my phone, "1:30! I'm sure you know better than to go that long without food!"

I could tell from the look gave me that she knew but didn't care. I knew how she felt:

_"Jace you need to eat!"_  
_I glared at him. "Go away Alec."_  
_"I'd rather not." he sat down and held out the plate of food._  
_I took it from him, but I didn't eat. I just stared at it. Then I threw it at the wall._  
_"Jace." he didn't sound mad like he should. Just sad, sad and worried. "Come on. You have to eat. Sarah would tell you the same thing."_

_"Sarah's not here."_

_"You're not the only one who misses her you know." came another voice. I didn't have to look up to know it was Izzy. "I'd slap you but she made me promise to be gentle with you."_  
_That was Sarah. Protecting her baby brother from beyond the grave._  
_She was holding another try of food._  
_"I thought that one might end up on the floor." she said coolly. "If you don't eat I will have Alec hold you down while I force food into your face."_

_"What happened to gentle?" I asked dully._

_"While she said to use force if it was necessary...meaning I have ask Alec first."_  
_I glanced at Alec who shrugged. "You have to eat." was all he said._

"Jace?" I snapped out of it. Crap, not again.

My phone rang saving me from explaining what had happened.

It was Alec. "Hang on. It's my brother."

"Yeah?" I waited for him to tell me what he wanted. "Oh... Hang on."  
"He's here to see if I need a ride home. Our sister is having a party and she is forcing me to go. Part of why I came was to see if you wanted to come too..."

"I don't know."

"You're no worse for the scare. And what would you do if I left you here? Sulk in bed all day?"

She didn't answer but I knew I was right.

"But I look like crap."

"She has to get changed first. We'll be right there."

"I didn't say that!" she protested. "I don't even know what to wear!"

"Magnus heard that." Alec told me and I could tell he was rolling his eyes. "Not sure how long I can keep him in the car when he thinks there's a fashion emergency calling him."

I looked at Clary. "My brother's boyfriend is coming in to help you get ready."

She stared at me yet again. "Why?"  
"Because Alec can't make him stay in the car."  
We heard the doorbell.  
"That would be them. Care to show me where the door is?"  
She glared at me. I was starting to get used to it. "This the weirdest day my life." she sighed getting up and heading toward the door.

**REVIEW! You want a sneak peek don't you? XD**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:  
uiuylrep5tpp5p[-p[pep-=pp[p[p[[[kjtjjhjhyueuytr8yu48uy88uy87 3y87w87ry87e87ry8rey878y787y y87tr8try87try87try8787yry7u 8y54834877re7864y75y7y74e788 8re78y87e587es879we78wry897r e8s7yrey87r9r7y9ry8r7y9y79y8 tr7y8897e78y9879er8rsrery789 7898978787u89yuhghegjhjrgjse gjhsrjhgjhgrjgjjhghgehgjjjjj jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjewa qfdwqdeqfftyfgfyggftf6732673 267 54**

Sorry about that...my brother wanted to say hi...lol He's sorry about taking so long to up date! This story is being all hard to write and easy like it should be! If any of you have any ideas I would love you forever! XP I have like half the next chapter written so let's hope I can get it finished quickly. 

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Hurt by Thousand foot Krutch**

**Face of the earth by Toby Mac**

I opened the door to find the most sparkly person I had ever seen. He was quite possibly the most sparky person ever to have walked the earth.

"Hello darling." he said dramatically. "I hear you are in need of fashion help."

"Who are you?" I asked temporarily made stupid from sparkle over kill.

"The amazing Magnus Bane at your service." he bowed. He freaking bowed!

"I see..."  
"Are you blind yet?" Jace muttered in my ear.

"Be nice Jace." said the tall dark haired boy who had picked Jace up from the ice cream shop the other day. Clary wondered if one of them was adopted...they looked nothing alike. Jace was golden all over, hair, eyes and skin. Alec was pale, almost so pale as to look sickly but Clary guessed it was just his normal complexion. His dark hair only served to make him look paler but his eyes were a startling blue. He looked nothing like his golden brother but he was just as beautiful, only in a different way. A way not as many people noticed.

"I apologize for him." he said to Clary with a timid smile.

"Which one? They're both nuts as far as I can tell."

He laughed quietly. "Yeah...you and everyone else. I was however referring to this one." he nodded to Magnus. "What was Jace doing?"

"Being an asshat." I answered with a smile. So I was being a bit of an ass myself, so what? I think given the odd day I was having I was more then initialed.

"Asshat?" Jace laughed.

"Yes an asshat."

"I think its fairly fitting." Magnus said with an overly sweet smile. I had a feeling Jace and Magnus got along only because Alec wanted them to and it was clear they both cared a great deal for the shy dark haired boy albeit in different ways.

"Enough." Alec said quietly, laying a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder while shooting Jace a warning glance at the same time. I had a feeling that of the three crazy people in my house - uninvited might I add- Alec was the most normal.

A few minutes later Magnus and I were going through my closet.  
"Are you telling me you really truly own nothing that sparkles?"

He sounded so shocked that I wanted to laugh but he also looked dead serious and I didn't think I really wanted to hurt his feelings so I forced myself to keep a straight face. I couldn't however keep myself from answering rather sarcastically.  
"Tragic isn't?" It wasn't even that I didn't have anything that was sparkly it's just that nothing had enough sparkles for his taste.

"Ah well, I suppose we must make do with what we have." he gave me a long hard look. "You're not the sparkly type anyway."

"Well we can't all be the sparkly type." I replied.

"This is true. After all if everyone sparkles then no one sparkles."

What the hell? "If you say so." he scared me a little bit, really he did.

Finally he settled on tight black leggings, a longish black and silver sweater with a black belt around the waist and my silver brea. I was surprised, he did a good job.

"The silver gives you enough sparkle to keep it interesting and sets off your hair quite nicely if I do say so myself."

I smiled. "And I almost look my age for once!" It was true. I was still short and pale with big "innocent" eyes but somehow I looked 20 for once or at least closer to 20 then 15.

Magnus laughed and handed me my black plether high heeled boots, the ones with the silver buckles and platform heels. "Can you dance in these?"

I nodded. "I think so."  
He handed me my silver flats. "Take these too. Just in case." then he grabbed my big silver purse, geez I never knew how much silver stuff I owned. "Shove the shoes in here." he said handing me the purse also.

"Clary?" Wow. Was this was the girl I almost scared to death an hour ago? Shit this wasn't helping me get over her.

"Don't look! She's not ready! We need make up!"

The sparkly thing Alec called his boyfriend rushed her down the hall in search of make up.

I sensed Alec's eyes on me.  
"Shut it Alec." I snapped.  
He chuckled softly. "I don't recall saying anything."  
"But you were thinking it." I said knowing I was right as surely as if his thoughts were printed on his forehead.

"She seems nice. Don't play with her."

Gee like I needed to hear that.  
"Thanks. I'm glad you think so highly of me." I scoffed. He didn't need to know how bad those words hurt me.

"Jace come on. I know you. I know you wouldn't hurt a fly on purpose..."

"I might hurt you." I muttered under my breath.

"Oh I'm soo scared." he rolled his eyes knowing I would never hurt him, not if my life depended on it. "I don't want to see you get hurt either you know." now I rolled my eyes. I would rather die then let him know his words touched me.

"You looked almost happy when I got here."

"Yeah that does happen every once in awhile."

"I haven't seen you happy in..." I shot him a look.  
"A long time."  
He had been about to say 5 years. I hated when he brought that up. It was true. But he didn't need to talk about it...

"Yeah well...have you thought that maybe I'm just not happy when you're around? You do tend to suck the fun out of life." Yeah I was a heartless bastard. I didn't even care. Not until I saw the look of hurt pass over his face. But at that point what could I do about it? Apologize? Not a chance. It was bad enough that he knew I couldn't hurt him, no need to show the extent of my weakness.

"Jace..."  
"Look just let it go okay?"  
"Are you going to be okay tonight? Izz thought this was a good idea but..."  
"I thought you forgot."  
"Don't be a retard."

Was he serious? Forget? About Sarah's birthday? He did know that that was why Isabelle was having this stupid party right? Sarah would have hated it...but Izzy would have thrown it anyway...and least if Sarah was here someone would be able to slap some sense into Jace...Izzy too... It hadn't taken long to get used to having an older sister but it sure seemed like none of us would ever get used to her being gone...

He had been worried when they first came...a brother a year younger then him and a sister a year older? He would completely lose his place.

But Sarah hadn't let that happen.

It had been just about this time of year...he had been sitting in the library...sulking...When the door burst open and she rushed in in tears...it had been clear that she thought she was alone.

"Ummm Sarah?"

She looked up at him in fear, her eyes so much like Jace's...only softer, less guarded.

"I'm sorry...I didn't know...I thought. It seemed like a nice place to be alone..."

"Yeah it is."

"Oh. I. I'm sorry. I'll go...I- I'm sorry..."

She started to hurry away but Alec reached out and grabbed her arm.

"No...it's okay...you can stay."

Alec remembered the look of surprise she gave him through her tears.  
"Are- are you sure?"  
"Yeah...it's big enough for two...come on I'll show you something." he lead her to the second story of the library.  
She looked over the rail.  
"It's so big...your whole house is so big...I feel like I'm never going to be able to find my way around...it's weird getting lost on the way to the bathroom."

He had had to chuckle at that. "I guess it would be."

"Here. This where I come to be alone." he gestured at a window seat overlooking the yard. It had a soft red cushion on it and heavy red drape that could be pulled over it.

"Oh it's lovely!" she stroked the velvet covered seat and looked as if she was about to sit down. But she turned to look at him instead. "Can I sit?"  
He had felt like she was taking over his life...but when she asked him if she could sit...something changed.

"Sure."

She sat, slipping her shoes off as she did so and scooting into the corner of the seat, back against the wall, knees pulled to her chest.

Alec for reasons unknown to him didn't want to leave her alone...she looked so forlorn...alone...he felt like he should try to help her...he felt the way he would if it was Isabelle...  
He sat down on the other side. It was a big window there was plenty of room for the two of them.

He felt like he should say something...but he didn't know what. So he just sat there.

After a while they heard a shriek. "Jace! Give it back!"

"I didn't take it Max did!"

"Max is a baby!"

"No he's a big boy! Right Max?"  
"Me big boy!" responded a two year old Max.

"Then give me Max so Max can give back my lip stick!"

"You're too young for it anyway."

"He has a point for once..." Sarah muttered. At the same time that Alec muttered "True."

"Sorry...not my place..." she said looking down.

"No...it's fine..." the weird thing was that it really was fine...

Before either of them could say anything else the doors opened and Jace ran in holding Max who was clutching bright red lipstick for dear life.

"Quick close the curtains!" Alec whispered.

Sarah nodded and quietly pulled her side shut. Just as they got both sides closed Jace shouted.

"Oh my God! Look up there!" clearly pointing up so that if they closed it a second later they would have been seen and doubtlessly dragged it to helping either Jace or Izzy. Not something either of them so feeling up to.

Isabelle began shrieking again when she realized how stupid she had been to fall for Jace's trick. Alec was soo glad they hadn't seen him and Sarah. Sarah really didn't look up to deal with younger siblings at the moment.

Alec glanced over to see that she was laughing and he had to smile too.  
"My brother is a jerk. If he teaches Max his evil ways I'm sooo sorry!"

"Izz kinda deserved that actually...and Max seemed to like it just fine..."

"You know...maybe I could...help Isabelle learn to...ummmm apply her make up less...forcefully...?"

"That would be great. I think it might take a miracle though..."

"I'll give it a try...you know I don't mean to be so...bossy...it's just...dad was never there...and with mom sick...I...Jace needed someone to look after him... I'm just so used to taking care of people...But...I...I've always wanted a big brother... Someone to tell me what to do for once! I'm sure I'm doing something wrong with Jace.! I love him but..."

Alec laughed. "Yeah I feel that same way about Izz...your older then me though..."

"Yeah...but...I don't feel like I am...I think you'll still have to be the oldest..." she laughed. "If that makes sense..."

"It does...but you know being the oldest can..."

"Suck?" she suggested.  
"That would be the word...it's ..."

"Lonely...? Boring? Too much responsibility?"

"All of the above..."

"What if...we were both oldest?" Sarah suggested.

Maybe Izz would listen to her...well...you know...anything was possible right? "Yeah." was all he said but from that moment on he had two sisters he would do anything for instead of just one.

She nodded. "Now it won't be lonely anymore."

Alec shook his head trying to clear it...'it's lonely again.' he thought as he stared at his brother. "Be careful. If something happens to you I'll kill you."

"Worlds worst threat...but point taken. I'll be fine."

"Jace. Honestly. If you need anything...Magnus won't mind too terribly if I leave and you know how I feel about parties."

"And you know how I feel about parties." Jace replied raising an eyebrow.

"And these are the times I wish Sarah didn't make us promise not to kill you..."

The awkward silence that followed was soon broken by Magnus's dramatic entrance.

"My greatest masterpiece is finished!...well greatest after myself of course."

"Of course." Alec muttered.

"You would be my greatest work by far my dearest if you would wear anything other than black and boring."

"Ummm no thanks."

Clary laughed. "You know I didn't think anyone could be more bigheaded then Jace..."

Alec laughed quietly. He liked this girl. She had just insulted both his brother and his boyfriend in one swoop. He loved them both but they both needed someone to put them in their place now and again and as Jace always said he was just too nice for his own good at times.

Magnus smiled at Alec glad to hear him laugh even if it was at his expense. He knew he hated this time of year, this day, parties...this was really not a good day for Alec no matter how you looked at it. And on top everything he was worried sick about his brother and sister. He wished Alec would just come to his house for the night, they could stay home and do nothing but talk, maybe watch a movie. Alexander would enjoy himself so much more that way. Maybe he would even get his reserved darling to talk to him, tell him his worries, it was always a struggle to Alexander to open up...even for him but Magnus knew that once he got him talking Alec would feel better. He had seemed so tense these last few days...he was even willing to miss a party on order to help him. But Isabelle had begged Alec to come and the boy couldn't say no his sister when she begged and she knew it.

"Let's go. A party awaits." he thought he heard Alec mutter "Oh joy." but when he glanced at him in concern he only got a reassuring smile that he knew must be forced

Alec glanced at Jace wishing his brother would agree to ditching the party with him. Jace might think a party was what he needed but Alec knew better. Jace made bad choices at the best of times and Alec could see that he was to point where he cared even less about his own safety than normal. He seemed to be interested in this little red headed girl and Alec had a feeling she could be good for Jace but Jace needed to be careful...Jace and being careful were not things that went together as a rule, now less than ever. As much as he'd been tempted by Magnus's offer of a nice quiet evening alone together he knew he couldn't take him up on it. He needed to look after his brother. Jace was sure to do something stupid, after all he was Jace. He always did something stupid.

**Review for a sneak peak! I already have the sneak peek written this time so you'll get it right away. XD **


	7. I know you like to party

**NA/ dear people who reviewed: thank you! XD I love each of you no matter if you like the story or not. I just want to know what you think. I do want to let you know though that I am trying on the grammar...comments such as "check your grammar before posting" are a bit hurtful when I spent what feels like ages doing just that... I did tell you I was dyslexic at the end of the first chapter. I'm sorry for the mistakes but I really want to do this story without a beta. I feel like I'm getting better at writing and I just want to see how I can do on my own. Give a demigod a chance to improve. ;) I would love if you could point out the mistakes...copy and paste them into a review or message if you feel like it. I'd appreciate it.**

Song for this chapter is the party song by Emery, the chapter name is part of the lyrics. (parts of it are pretty perfect for this chapter.)

Jace's song is This is a Call by Thousand foot Krutch. The second verse is perfect for him. (Thanks Kaydan. :)  
**_"He fights_****  
****_so you won't ignore him,_****  
****_because that's his biggest fear,_****  
****_and he cries,_****  
****_but you'll rarely see him do it._****  
****_He loves, but he's scared to use it._****  
****_So he hides behind the music, 'cause he likes it that way._****  
****_He knows,_****  
****_He's so much more than worthless,_****  
****_he needs to find the surface,_****  
****_because he's starting to get nervous now."_******

Clary was surprised to find that she was having a good time. All around her kids were talking, laughing and dancing (many of them at least a little drunk) this was not her kind of party but she needed a change. It was nice to pretend she belonged here. The house was huge...they were standing in what she supposed must be a ballroom. A ballroom. Jace had a ballroom in his house. And yet he was working his way through med school...at an ice-cream shop? What was up with that? She really wanted to ask but it seemed like a pretty rude question.

Mia took a sip of her beer and made a face before taking another sip.  
Jordan laughed. "Give it up. You know you don't have to finish that."

"I can do it."

"I know you can. Now stop before you make yourself sick."

"Fine." she sighed holding the bottle out to her boyfriend.

"No more for me." he said firmly. "One is it. I'm not going there again." They had dated a few years ago and back then Jorden had had a drinking problem to put it lightly. He had been trying to deal with his father's death but it had not made him a good boyfriend.

"I trust you." she said knowing he was making a big show of just one for her benefit. He had been doing this every time he so much as took a sip for the past three months.  
He smiled lovingly at her. It had taken a long time to earn her trust back this much and he didn't blame her, he wasn't about to blow it.  
"Thanks babe, give it to Clary."

"I-..." she had been about to say "I don't drink." but...she didn't feel like being all mature right now...

"Clary doesn't drink." Mia said giving her friend a worried look.

"Yeah I do." She took the bottle.

Mia really didn't think this was a good idea. She looked around and saw Simon dancing awkwardly with Isabelle.  
"I'll be right back." she gave Jordan a quick kiss on the cheek whispering, "Watch her." Jordan nodded. He didn't know what was going on...but Mia didn't seem happy about it...he wasn't about to risk her getting mad at him.

"Clary maybe you shouldnt...?" he suggested as Mia hurried away. Clary seemed upset and he knew all to well that drinking wasn't going to help her. "What's wrong? You can't drink it away."

"Maybe you should mind your own business. You of all people." she saw a brief look of hurt cross his face and immediately felt bad. She knew he didn't know why she was acting like this. He was just trying to be a good friend..."I-I'm...sorry." she shoved the bottle back at him and hurried away.

Isabelle and Simon were talking to Jace when Mia got over them.

"Rat boy can't dance in case you didn't know." Jace said when he saw Mia.  
"Don't call him that!" both girls snapped.

"Your fine Si." Isabelle whispered patting his arm. Mia shook her head, those two seemed to be getting close fast. Not that it was any of her business, but she would have to make a point to pull Isabelle aside and explain what would happen if she hurt Simon. Let's just say she would mostly likely be better off angering a werewolf. No one messed with Mia's friends.

"Simon I need to talk to you."

"I'm a little busy right now..."

"It's about Clary." she whispered but Jace overheard, at the sound of Clary's name Mia suddenly had the full attention of both boys, Isabelle saw something in Jace's face and knew this Clary girl was different. She shot him a look then turned her attention to Mia also.

"Excuse me." she snarled at Jace, not even noticing that Isabelle was listening too "I was talking to Simon."

"Look bitch I know you hate me but I brought her here. If something happened... You have to tell me." how he could manage to say something like that still sound as if he didn't care was beyond any of the others standing there. He had to fight to keep his voice cool and uncaring though. He was getting mad at himself, he shouldn't be feeling like this. He needed to do something to stop this before it was too late.

Mia gave him a death glare and fought the urge to slap his perfect golden face so hard it wouldn't be perfect again for a long time.

Isabelle looked at her brother. She knew him, he never cared about anyone...sometimes she wondered if that part of him had been permanently damaged from being hurt too often. She remembered a conversation she'd had with Sarah about a year after she and Jace had moved in with them.

...  
_"Your brother is an asswhole!"_

_"Believe me I know. Don't say that word though."_

_"Yes mommy." a 13 year old Isabelle rolled her eyes._

_"Sorry force of habit."_

_"How come you're so nice - if deathly boring- and Jace is so...Jace?" at 13 Isabelle had said anything that crossed her mind. As she had gotten older she had gotten better and keeping her thoughts to her self (almost too good) but she had ways told Sarah just what she was thinking. She knew Sarah would hate what she had become...but the girl would remind her it was never too late to change. Isabelle mentally shook herself._

_"He... Izz if I trust you with this..."_  
_"I won't tell."_  
_The two girls were close, closer than sisters. As close as Alec and Jace. Even though Isabelle was two years younger than her she had trusted the girl with everything._  
_"Ever since he was little...when dad took him...and left...I don't even quite know what happen in those 3 years Izz, he won't even talk about it. I think dad...I think he..." she closed her eyes. "He was trying to make Jace stronger...love...he thought love was weak...when mom got sick...they came back. Jace was different. Dad was trying to break him Izz. Take away all the good parts."_

_"He didn't though...Jace is an ass but..."_

_"I know." they heard Max squeal "Faster Jace!" followed by Jace's laugh._

_"I know. And Max is probably one of the best things that ever happened to him... He's so much like Jace was before...but it's like a part of him is damaged...if anything ever happens to me Izz..."_

_Isabelle mentally shook shook her self again. Focus girl! Sarah had asked her look after Jace and she would do her best. Sarah had known she wouldn't live long. She never knew how she had known she just had. Isabelle had to do what she could keep Jace safe._

...

"Something happened? What happened? If its your fault..." Simon glared at Jace but his voice was panicky.

"Shut up both of you!" Mia glared at them menacingly. Even Jace had to admit he was scared of that girl.

"Where is she?" Simon asked.

"Over there with Jordan." but when they looked where Mia pointed they saw only Jordan. He was headed toward them looking concerned and hurt.

Mia was worried about Clary but she was also worried about Jordan. He had that look he got when he was feeling bad about the way he had treated her before. She kept telling him to forget it but he couldn't seem to.

"What happened?"

"She...ummm she ran away from me."

"Where'd she go?"

"That way." he pointed.

"Chill Simon. I'll help you look." Isabelle soothed. She didn't know what was going on but she wanted to help. Simon looked like he was on the verge of completely flipping out.

"You will?"

She nodded "Of course."

"Thanks."

Mia had been whispering quietly with Jordan trying to find out why he looked so hurt. She turned back to tell the others why she was worried.

"She wanted to drink. She never drinks. She shouldn't drink now right? It would be bad for her?" she looked at Jace. For once the ass whole might be useful.

"She didn't start treatment yet. It would be no more bad for her than any of the rest of us."

"But if shes just doing it just to ...she doesn't drink. I don't think..." she kept trailing of not quite sure how to say what she meant.

Jace rolled his eyes. The girl wanted to forget her worries for a while. Let her. He of all people couldn't blame her. Come to think of it...a few beers would hit the spot right about now. He needed something to take his mind off what day it was and he had already tried "hooking up" with several of the girls Izzy had invited...they were all sluts. Normally it wouldn't bother him but for some reason he couldn't help but compare them to Clary. It made him sick to think about "doing it" with girls like that. It was a shame, it really was. If he ever needed the distraction it was now, and yet he couldn't bring himself to get near enough those girl to talk to them for more than 60 seconds...anything more he felt sure he would vomit.

Clary headed over to a dark corner of the room. She needed to pull herself together. So much for having a good time. All she wanted was one little beer. Just once. Was that too much to ask?

She quickly swiped at a tear that was running down her cheek.

"Umm, hey." a voice said aw karky. There was someone else hiding in the coroner. Great. Just great. Then she realized it was Alec. That made it a bit better for some reason.

"Sorry I didn't know this hiding place was taken."

"How'd you know I was hiding?"

"Well...why else would you be standing in the corner by yourself?"

"Maybe I like standing in the corner by myself." he suggested.

"Hmmm...maybe." she smiled. "In that case I'll go find by own corner."

"Nah. It's fine. I'll share my corner just this once." Alec hated parties. He hated talking to people he didn't like. That didn't mean he didn't wish he wasn't quite so alone at parties. He told Magnus to go have fun. He enjoyed watching his boyfriend in his element but he himself would be happy with just one friend to talk to. Normally he would kick people out of his hiding places -that is if they didn't leave on their own which they always did. But Clary seemed like she might be worth talking to.

"Thanks." shit she was still on the verge of tears though. She brushed at another of the stupid things wishing she could stop them.

"ummm...you okay?"

"Yeah fine. Sorry. I'll just...go..."

"No. It's fine. Stay."

"I'm not really in a party mood anymore..."

"I never am yet they make me come anyway."

"Who?"

"Izzy...Magnus...Jace...basically everyone."

"Someone should force Jace to to go to a party sometime and see how he likes it!"

"My thoughts exactly."

"Jace would like that just fine actually." said the person in question sounding more then slightly amused.

They both turned to glare at him.

"This might cheer you up a bit." he held a beer out to her.

"You don't think it will kill me?" she asked bitterly. "Not that it matters all that much."

Alec questioningly raised an eyebrow at Jace.

"Mia needs to mind her own business." Jace replied ignoring Alec.  
"Come on, let's go."

"Go where?" Clary and Alec both asked.  
Alec's voice was warning and Clary's was unsure. Jace wished someone would give him a little credit. Geez they were acting like he was a murderer or something! He was just trying to give Clary a chance to let go. She needed to have some fun.

"Jace can I talk to you for a sec?" Alec asked timidly but there was a note of firmness in his voice.

Jace thought about saying no...instead he said "Apparently you can, being that you are." Alec looked flustered and Clary felt bad for him. She punched Jace's arm. Ouch! This girl was definitely stronger then she looked. Alec glared at him and Jace knew he'd have to talk to his brother before going anywhere.

"Yeah fine." Alec all but dragged Jace a little ways away so that they could talk without Clary over hearing. Leaving Clary standing there looking lost.

"The asshat abandon you?" someone asked from behind her.

She turned to see Magnus smirking down at her.

"Yeah, not that I care but I can't seem to find any of my friends at the moment..."

Magnus didn't know what was going but he could tell Alec was trying to talk some sence into Jace. When would he learn? It wasn't possible. He'd need to check on Alec latter, the boy got so worried about his siblings it made Magnus worry about him. But right now there was nothing he could do about it.

"Well would you like to dance?"

She looked around at the dancing people it reminded her of the Pandaemonium, a club she sometimes forced Simon to take her too. He hated it but she didn't want to go alone and it was fun to get away from real life for a bit.

"Sure I guess."

That was all he needed. Alec would never dance with him unless it was slow boring dancing (though with Alec even that was more than okay with him) and he loved twirling people to the music...whether or not it was the sort of music people normally twirled to to was irrelevant.

She laughed as people stared at them then gave them space for fear of being trampled to death. How Jace's sister had found this many people to invite to a party was beyond her. She must have invited every person she met on the streets between the ages of 17 and 25 (which truly wasn't far from the truth).

...  
I could see the worry burning in Alec's eyes and I kinda felt bad...but not bad enough to do anything about it...

"What the hell are are you doing Jace?" he all but growled at me. "Are you trying to get her drunk?!" I wasn't sure I'd ever seen Alec this mad. Had I not been me I would have been scared to death.

I wanted to hurt him...who was I kidding I wanted to hurt just about anyone right now. No wonder he was flipping out...it seemed he could always read my mind when that was the last thing in the world I wanted.

I would be fine though. I always was.

...

At last Magnus spun Clary back to where Jace was waiting. He wasn't jealous he knew Magnus loved Alec and Alec alone -other wise the gay sonic the hedgehog would be no more - but he was jealous when he saw that looks most of the guys were giving them...he was being stupid. They had just met. There was nothing between them...yet. What the hell was he think?! Yet?! No there wasn't again anything between them. Period. That's it. The end. But yet a tiny uncooperative part of his mind - the part that often seemed to talk in Sarah's voice - told him that he could change...he could try actually caring about a girl...but, he reminded that part of his brain caring meant getting hurt. Caring meant losing people you cared about. He'd had more than enough of that. But then he made a mistake, a mistake that would end up saving him...(although not tonight) mistake he would make over and over again; he looked at her and met her eyes.

He saw the fear hiding just beneath the surface. He knew she needed someone who could take mind off everything. Someone to help her through this.

"Please Jace?" Alec all but pleaded.

"Let me get this straight? You want me to leave a perfectly great party to go to your apartment and do nothing cuz you're worried I'm gonna do something stupid?"

"Pretty much. Yeah."

"No freaking way."

Alec couldn't explain why was so afraid for his brother...Jace had been like this plenty of times and always ended up in one piece...but this time something felt wrong...He only knew that it felt like someone was warning him... Asking him to look after their brother perhaps...he knew it would make him sound crazy it but he felt like Sarah was sending him a warning...but telling Jace that just flat out wasn't going to work.

Jace and Clary were sitting outside in a quiet corner of the garden. Clary had somehow managed to choke down one bottle of beer...God that stuff was nasty! But after one bottle it didn't seem so bad any more...maybe she had just needed to get used to it. She was feeling better now. She wasn't sure what Mia had been so worried about.

"Feeling better?"  
"A bit. I just wish they wouldn't treat me like I'm...I don't know...like I'm dying..."

He didn't know why he did it...but she wanted to be treated like a normal girl...so he did the first thing that come to mind. He kissed her. She stared at him for a moment. She had just met him...she wanted to kiss him back more than anything in the world. But she knew she couldn't. She wouldn't be another of his toys. Mia and Simon had told her what he was like but she wasn't stupid. She wouldn't have figured it out for her self. She pulled away.

"No."  
"No what?" no girl had ever rejected him before...it hurt. He wouldn't let himself admit it but he hadn't been planning on play his game with her...he really liked her...  
"No you can't play with me. No you can't use me then throw me away like I never mattered. I might be sick Jace but I'm not stupid. I saw the way all those girls in there looked at you. I know you've probably slept with half of them."

Jace wanted to tell her that she was right. He was a horrible person. That she was different. That she could save him from being a horrible person. But he couldn't. He was too fucking prideful. Instead he shook his head and ruined everything. "You thought I wanted to play with you? In your dreams little girl. It was more like a make a wish thing. In case you do die I wanted you to have had one really good night."

She froze in shock. He did not just say that. There was no freaking way he just said that! But he had.  
"I can't believe I trusted you! I cared that you seemed upset! I let you bring me here! I thought..."

Suddenly the reality of what he had just said hit him. He wanted nothing more than to apologize. He hadn't even realized what he was saying. God there was something wrong with him.  
"Clary wait." he grabbed her arm as she turned away.

"What. What could you possibly have to say to me that I'd want to hear?" she snapped.

"I'm sorry Clary...I...just..."

"You're sorry?! You kiss me and tell me its like a make a wish thing! And you're sorry?! What the hell Jace?!"  
She stared at him for a moment. He looked sorry...he looked near tears...she slapped him across the face. Hard. She laughed humorlessly at the shock on his face.  
"The look on you face makes up for everything." She turned away and walked back toward the house.

Then she thought of something. "You know Jace if Simon and Mia find out your job will be hell. And if Ella finds out you lose your job."

"Clary I..."

"Save your breath. I'm not telling. It's not like it even matters. I'll probably forget about it by the end of the week. But just remember if you keep messing with girls like this I might tell."  
She turned away again but looked at him one last time.

"I'm sorry Clary. I didn't mean it. Really I just..."

"Really Jace, save it. I'm over it. Watch how much I care." she turned on her heel and walked away with what she hoped was an air of cool calm confidence.****

Remember reviews get you sneak peeks!

Please let me know what you think! Were you expecting this? lol I wasn't really planning on this happening...but as I was writing it just happened! How you like it? Is there anything you want to happen? Any songs you think I should use is future chapters? I take any and all suggestions under consideration so suggest things! XD 


	8. Animal I've Become

**AN:  
Sorry I haven't updated it awhile I'm sure you couldn't care less why so I'll just say sorry and leave it at that.  
I need you guys to help me out with this story. I need ideas and feedback. Thanks a million times over to everyone who reviewed, favorited, followed or even just read the story. I love you all. At the end of the chapter I'm going to ask you a few questions. If you answer the questions you get a sneak peek. ;)**

Songs for this chapter:  
Am I the Enemy by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus  
Monster by Skillet  
Shadows by Red  
Animal I've Become by Three Days Grace (clearly I don't own the chapter name)

Clary flicked her hair over her shoulder as she stalked back into the party. She would not break down. She would not. She would not. She would show Jace exactly how little she cared. Problem? All she wanted to do was find Simon and cry in his arms for a while. She glanced around and saw Simon sitting on the couch talking and laughing with the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen. Isabelle...how Simon got a date like that she would never know. But she didn't want to ruin his fun...she could do this alone.

She wanted to dance with other guys. Show that she truly didn't care. She remembered Mia telling her the way to get guys to ask you to dance was to stand off to the side and just wait. They didn't like approaching a group of girls, one girl on her own was less frightening to them.

She stood there hoping Jace saw her. Hoping someone asked her to dance soon. Hoping Jace didn't see her just standing here if no one did. Maybe she could ask someone to dance...maybe she should stop being so shy and just ask...it couldn't be that hard. Not as hard as not crying at the way Jace had hurt her was. Nothing seemed like it could ever be that hard.

She was so busy thinking she didn't even noticed someone come up next to her.  
"Why's a lovely girl like you standing over here alone?" he asked dramatically, it was Magnus again.  
"No one seems to want to dance with me."

"Well maybe if you didn't look like you wanted to kill something...or someone...a golden haired ass hat perhaps?"

"Do I really look like that?" she asked knowing it was true.

"Indeed you do . If you're trying teach him a lesson you're gonna need some help."

"I don't know what you're talking about." she said innocently.

"Right. Look kid I've been around. I know how these things work. I know how he is. You aren't like that. You'r new to this. You won't play his games. It made him mad. I bet he said something pretty nasty. Am I right?"

She didn't bother saying anything.

"If you want to show him you don't care you're gonna have to stop thinking about killing him."

"That might be hard."

"I know." he said not unkindly "Here dance with me again. Show them that you're not quite so scary as you look standing here alone."

"Okay...thanks..." it wasn't as if she had anything to lose and she had enjoyed dancing with Magnus before.

"They're all watching you." he whispered delightedly, clearly unaware that that was not really what she needed to hear. It was okay though...she was pretty sure it was him they were watching not her.

Alec saw his boyfriend dancing with Clary again...where was Jace?  
He glanced around desperately, he couldn't see Jace anywhere!

When Clary had left him in the garden Jace had been crushed. It was his fault, he had hurt her. All he wanted to do was curl up and die. They had been sitting in a little gazebo thing and it happened to have glass windows...not for long though. He punched the glass, shattering it and cutting his pretty badly. He didn't care. He deserved the pain. He was the worlds biggest ass whole. He stalked angrily back to the party. Not even noticing everyone staring at him as he dripped blood. Magnus saw Jace coming and spun Clary around so Jace could see her clearly but so she would hopefully not see him. Knowing she needed to dance with other people if her plan was to work he spotted his good friend Ranger, perfect.  
"Ah Ranger you seem to be lacking a dance partner at the moment!" he called.  
"Ranger will find you another partner after him." he whispered "After that I think the guys with be fighting over you." Clary rolled her eyes but she did have to admit that quite a few people seemed to be looking at her.

"Make sure she gets around." Magnus winked as he passed her off to Ranger. "Magnus...what are you sucking me into this time...?"  
"Nothing dangerous." he said airily.  
"You always say that."  
"And it's true at least 30.4% of the time."  
"More like 3%." Ranger grumbled.  
"I'll explain later." Magnus promised as he left in search of Alec.

Jace saw Clary twirling across the dance floor. Everyone was watching her...he felt the need to punch something again. He turned at the sound of Alec's annoyingly worried voice.

"Jace!" Alec gasped when he found his brother.

"Let me be Alec."

"But your hand! What happened?"

"I cut it on some glass."

"You need to get that looked at."

"It's fine Alec really. Now do go to hell."

"Thanks for the invite, but no thanks." Alec replied dryly.  
"At least let me take a look."

"Oh stupid brother of mine you are looking at it. And you look about as pale as a ghost who's never seen sunlight."

"Yeah cuz that made sense, now come."

"I'm fine."

"Damn it Jace you're dripping blood all over the floor! Mom and dad are gonna kill you! If you don't bleed to death first!"

Jace apparently hadn't even known how bad he was bleeding because when he looked down his eyes widened slightly.

"Come on. I'll take care of it."  
He took Jace to his old room where he had stayed before he moved to his own apartment after telling his father he was gay.

"Sit." he said pointing to his old bed. Jace sat looking around. He remembered all the time they spent here when they were younger. He had lost track of how many times Alec had had to clean him up after he did something stupid. He hadn't cut himself up this bad in a long time but it used to be so bad that Alec taken first aid classes and even learned how to do stitches. Jace would never go to the hospital so this had seemed to him the only way to keep him safe.

"What happened?"

"Doesn't matter."

"It does actually."

"I punched something if you must know."

"Jace." Alec rubbed his forehead. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Drop it."

Alec knew Jace wasn't gonna tell him anything so he simply got out his first aid kit and got to work.

"Remember the time you tore your knee up really bad riding on the handlebars of my bike?"

Jace nodded. "You freaked out so bad."

Alec gave a small smile. "And I wanted to tell mom but you were more afraid of getting in trouble.

"I limped for like a week." Jace remembered

"I was afraid I'd permanently injured you."

Jace stopped smiling. Alec had been trying to distract him from the pain as he disaffected his cuts but he had reminded him of something far worse...

Alec saw raw pain flash across his brother's face, but only for a moment. Then his face hardened.  
"Jace? You okay?"

"No."

Alec wasn't surprised at all. "Wanna talk about it?"

"That's like asking if I'm madly in love with ratboy."

Alec shook his head and finished cleaning the cuts.

"You're lucky there was no glass in the cuts. If there was I wouldn't be able to take care of it."

"Yep, lucky as a leprechaun." He replied. "Wait are leprechaun lucky or do they just bring good luck?"

"I have no clue Jace and nor do I care."

"How can you not care about leprechauns? Are you completely heartless?"

"Apparently so." Alec studied Jace's face for a moment, trying to judge how not okay he was. "You need stitches." he said after a moment, waiting to see how Jace would take the news.

"Leprechauns aren't lucky...I'm pretty sure they just grant wishes actually." he said as if he either hadn't heard what Alec said or just didn't care.

"Jace...it will hurt less if you let me take you to the hospital...they could numb it..."

"And explain what happened and lose my internship?"

"It's gonna hurt Jace."

"I'll be fine." he said vaguely as if it didn't really even matter.

"I need you to stay still then."

Jace was silent as he watched Alec sterilize the stuff.

"Ready?"

Jace just nodded. He clenched his jaw as Alec began. He stared straight ahead eyes locked on a picture of all five of them when they were younger. Before Alec got kicked out of the house, before Isabelle acted like a slut...back when he was still somewhat capable of caring about people (but if he couldn't then why in hell did he feel so awful right now?). Before Sarah was gone. Max was the only one of them still remotely the same. Just older. They all worked hard to make sure the boy didn't end up like them.

Alec glanced at his face every few seconds to see how he was handling the pain. The only signs he even felt the pain were the way clenched his jaw and his overly controlled breathing.

"Alec?" he asked suddenly.  
Alec tied off the stitches and cut the thread before looking at Jace. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Yup...Care to tell me what got you mad enough to punch glass?"

"I'd really rather not."

"Okay, fine. But you're coming back to my place now. "

"I'm fine Alec. Go dance with your sparkly boyfriend."

"Jace you are going to sit here. I am going to wash my hands, tell Magnus I'm leaving and come back for you. Don't move."  
He started toward the door.

"Make sure Clary has a ride home."

Alec gave him a look, "Sure..."

"Magnus?" Alec called quietly.  
"Excuse me," Magnus said the people said been talking to. "But I must attend to the most beautiful man alive."

Alec glared half heartedly at him as his face burned bright red. The people Magnus had been talking to smiled welcoming at Alec, all but Ranger, who was the only one Alec didn't mind. "It's okay Alec, he makes an ass of himself regularly, it doesn't reflect on you."

"Thanks Ranger." he said with a nod before returning his attention to Magnus. "Just come."

"Alexander, my beautiful...what's wrong?" he asked noticing how tense Alec was.

"I'm fine. I'm taking Jace to my place."

Magnus studied Alec much the same way Alec had studied Jace. Problem being that he knew Magnus could read him like a book.

"Oh baby." he whispered sadly.

"Really, I'm fine Magnus." but he wanted to collapse in the Magnus's strong arms and just be held. Magnus knew how strong his darling was, he also knew he couldn't admit to needing even just a bit of comfort, but he did his best to make sure he got it anyway. Alec had guided them into dark corner where they couldn't be overheard and Magnus took advantage of this. He pulled Alec into his arms and held him tightly.  
"You really are the most beautiful man alive you know, inside and out."

Alec just shook his head.

"Alec, I know you have to go with Jace but be careful."

"Don't worry. I'll be fine. I just have to make sure he is too..."

"Tomorrow night it will be my turn to make sure your okay. I don't have to work so you can over any time...or you could come now..."

"You know I can't." but he knew Magnus would hold him...try to cox him into talking and likely succeed...he know Magnus would ease all the worries of the past few days...but tomorrow, not tonight. Tonight he needed to focus on Jace.

"I gotta go. Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Make sure Clary has a ride home. I'm fairly sure something happened between her and Jace. I need to get him out of here...

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'll take care of it."

Alec froze outside the door of his old room...Jace was talking to someone. A giggle sounded from the other side of the door.  
"Great." Alec muttered under his breath. Maybe he should just let Jace do whatever the hell he wanted and suffer the consequences. But he couldn't.  
He knocked then slowly opened the door.

Jace was making out with a blond girl that Alec recognized as Kaylie A very annoying girl who had been flirting with Jace for ages.

"Not in my room." Alec said darkly. "Get out."

"Come on Alec you don't even sleep here anymore."

"I don't care. Out." he pointed menacingly at the door.

"Come on Jace. We can just go to your room." Kaylie simpered.

Alec wanted to throw up... Jace was clearly to drunk to remember he couldn't stand this girl.

"No." he said firmly, locking eyes with Jace. "You're coming with me."

It wasn't easy but he somehow managed to get a very unhappy Jace into his car and back to his apartment without too much trouble. Jace was thankfully too drunk to fight him very much.

"I see your plan is working." Magnus said to Clary a few minutes after Alec and Jace left.

"Where is he?"

"Oh he saw you. He was crushed. Alec made him leave."

"Punishing him? He seems a bit old for that."

"Alexander doesn't know what happened and well I have a fairly good idea he simply doesn't think like that."

"Yeah...I kinda got that."

"Do you need a ride home? Perhaps I can be of assistance."

"Thanks but I'm sure Simon or Mia and Jordan can take me home."

"The problem with that is they are sure to ask you how things went. And you don't stike me as being quite ready to lie to your best friends just yet."

She simply stared at him in shock.

"I just know these things."

"Why is he so worried about Jace?"

"You're wondering who could possibly worry about my ass of a bother." came a new voice. "Simon is looking for you by the way."

"Tell him I'm fine." Clary said with a roll of her eyes.

"What did Jace do to you?" Isabelle ask flippantly.

"Nothing." Clary snapped a bit too quickly.

"Jace always does something."

"I know that. I'm not stupid I can see what he's like."

Isabelle gave her a long hard look "Stupid? No...just innocent...like Alec...he likes you though. Jace I mean. I can tell, don't let him fool you with that sexy heartless tough guy act."

"What do you mean he likes me?" she knew it couldn't be true...but she had to ask.

"Jace is an ass at the best of times. This is not the best of times." she said as if that clarified everything.

"Care to explain?" Clary was past caring about being rude she just needed to get home so she could think and possibly cry...

"No. It's not my place. Just know that if he says he's sorry it's true. Jace doesn't lie...not about important things...and none of us have ever heard him apologize."

Clary found she didn't have anything to say to that and simply stared at Isabelle for a moment before glancing to Magnus for help.

"Tell this Simon person I took Clary home. I think she's had about enough for one night.

"Magnus?" she asked softly once they were driving back to her house.  
He turned his head to look at her for a moment before returning his eyes to the road. "Yes?"

"Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?"

"Alexander asked me to."

"So you don't want to be helping me?"

"I didn't say that. Quite frankly I am not a good person Clary. Alexander is my conscious. Everyone has one...mine just happens to be a person without whom I am a bit of heartless bastard."

"Oh...and Jace? Does he have a conscious?" she was drunk, not one hundred percent sure what she was saying...but she needed to know, was it possible he needed her? No. She wouldn't be a toy. She wouldn't. But she wanted to hear what Magnus had to say.

"As much as I dislike him I'm terribly afraid he and I are bit alike..." he glanced at her again, green eyes sparkling, "Though I'm hoping you too drunk remember this conversation...or at the very least have the sense to keep quiet."

She nodded. "Thanks Magnus...what should I do? Why do I even care?! I just met him...it's not like...ugh! I need to stop talking now."

"Only you can know that. You're the innocent one. Like Alexander, I don't think I've ever been the innocent one... But if it's meant to be he'll get over his pride. Just remember what Isabelle said Jace isn't thinking straight right now. Alec hates parties with a burning passion yet came just to look after him. There's more going on here then I can tell you."

Clary remembered the look on his face after he said those horrible things to her. He looked scared, as if he hadn't meant to say that and didn't know what else he might say or do without meaning to. She also remembered how gentle and kind he'd been in her room earlier that day...how broken he'd seemed. She shook her head, she thought of a quote she'd heard from plato something about being kind to everyone because everyone was fighting a battle he'd seemed to understand that and be trying his best to do so...until..."It was more like a make a wish thing. In case you do die I wanted you to have had one really good night." she hadn't realized she had whispered those words out loud.

Magnus didn't say anything, knowing he hadn't been meant to hear that. But Alec's voice in his head whispered you need to do something. Alec hated talking to people, his poor baby was so shy, so insecure yet he would do anything to help someone he thought needed him. He wasn't shy, he wasn't insecure yet he never helped people. Alec did his best to be brave for Magnus, put up with the stares and some times the rejection that came from being his boyfriend. The least he could do was try to show a little bit of humanity for Alec's sake. He hadn't been lying, Alec had become his conscious. It was a bit annoying really, but the voice in his head that sounded so much like Alec that it couldn't be ignored told him that Jace needed a conscious too. Stupid conscious thinking everyone needed one. But he truly did want to help this Clary girl, and helping Jace would make Alec so happy! Alec was always worrying about his brother; so much so that Magnus worried about him. Alexander didn't need one more thing to worry about, he would do anything to ease his fears...even help the asshat.****

IF YOU WANT A SNEAK PEEK:  
So if you want a sneak peek answer at least one of these questions and you shall get one. Also if you answer all of them I'll write a one shot just for you if you so desire. Just tell me who you want it to be about and give me an idea of what you want to happen. It can be as vague or as specific as you only rule is no sex, I can not write sex and nor do I want to. Sorry.

Questions:

#1) What is your favorite thing about this story so far?  
#2 )What is your least favorite thing?  
#3) Should Clary and Jace get together at the end or not?  
#4)Should Clary die?  
#5)On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best) what you rate this story?  
#6) Same as 5 but for spelling and grammar.

Please be honest...even about #6. haha :P 


	9. I Confess That I Feel Like a Monster

**Sorry about the wait...I wish I could say it won't happen again but I hate lying...sorry. :P If you answered the questions last chapter follow the instructions after the chapter to get your one shot. If you didn't and you would like a one shot you can answer them now. :)**

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Ordinary by Thousand**

**Monster by Skillet (I don't own the chapter name I stole it from the song)**

Alec blinked. Apparently he'd fallen asleep while keeping watch over Jace.

He realized Jace was awake and was staring at him.

"What the hell am I doing here?"

"You were gonna do something you'd regret."

"Funny thing is that when you say that it's normally when I would have had the most fun."

"Jace you were gonna ummm..."do it"...with Kaylie."

"I was what?!"

"Yeah."

"Next time I want to kill you I'll remember this and only want to mame you instead." Jace said gratefully, his voice sounded a bit off and Alec knew his brother was not feeling wonderful to say the least.

"Can I get you something?"

"A new life? A time machine?" he responded bitterly.

"Sorry fresh out..." Alec could hardly stand the pain in Jace's voice. "I can get you some coffee though. Or something to eat."

Jace paled at the mention of food and moaned.

"Jace?"

"Get me a pot."

It took Alec a moment to process this and he got back just in time to keep his couch him getting vomited on.

...

I'd almost...oh dear God I owed Alec more than I could ever repay him! Kaylie...Oh dear God. I had flirted with her a bit what seemed like a lifetime ago. Then as much as I hated to admit it she'd kinda been my girl friend...it was after Sarah...yeah...I'd known her before, then after I needed a distraction. She'd been convenient and willing...but it didn't work. I couldn't be distracted. I was distant, I couldn't be what she thought I should be, hell I could hardly eat with out Alec and Izzy coaxing me bite by bite. I remembered weeks where I wouldn't leave me room Alec all but force feeding me and Izzy bringing me new of the outside world I hadn't wanted to live. I'd wanted to curl up and die the only reason I'd even tried being with Kaylie was I thought a distraction could maybe numb the pain a little. At first it did...somewhat. She was more than happy to "help me though my time on need" but instead of getting better like I was told I should "with time" I was getting worse. It was it grew harder to pretend that anything was even slightly worthwhile to me anymore. She got tired of taking care of me -not that she ever really did in the first place. One Friday night she'd shown her true colors.

"Come on Jace!" she'd winned.

"Not in the mood Kaylie." She wanted to go to some new club...I wanted to stay home and feel sorry for myself.

"Fine then. If you want to be in bed." she tugged slightly at her already too low shirt. A thought popped into my head...while it felt more like it was whispered to me...by my sister...but that's just crazy, right?

'She disgusting. You're better than this.'

"Kaylie my sister died a month ago today."

"And one as what to do with the other?" she asked as if it shouldn't even matter.

I opened my mouth to say something and closed it again shocked into silence.

"I've tried to be patient Jace! But come on! It's been a month!"

I heard a door slam then. Alec was at work and Max was out with his parents, I'd thought Izz was at a friends house but I'd been wrong. The past month had been hard on Alec and Isabelle...not just me. She'd also been sitting in her room suffering alone. But when she heard what Kaylie said she lost it. I was glad she did...Izzy could hit a girl; I couldn't. Actually I now wondered who had brought Kaylie...there was no way Izz had invited her. Then Alec's voice snapped me out off my thoughts.

He was saying something about food...my stomach was not at all happy about that.

"Alec get a pot." I forced out, knowing I wouldn't be able to make it too the bathroom in time even with Alec's help.

He made in just barely in time. I was vaguely aware of Alec gagging as I vomited violently. "Sorry about that." I mumbled knowing I wasn't done.

He silently handed me a glass of water to rise the taste out of my mouth which I gladly did.

"Let me dump that." he offered. I knew he couldn't stand people pucking and that this was just another case of my stupid brother putting himself through hell for me. I could also tell by the way he kept rubbing his neck that he had a headache...it was probably bad too. The stupid idiot! He needed to be resting not taking care of me. The moron. This wouldn't be the first time he'd worried himself sick. I knew better the to try to convince him to take care of himself, and as I was now there wasn't much I could do. It didn't really matter anyway because I knew there was only one person who he let care for him when he was like this. I'd just have to make sure he got to Magnus before he made himself collapse. Why couldn't he see that I wasn't worth this?

"I'll do it." I said trying to stand but feeling a wave of dizziness over take me instead.

"You need to stay put." he grabbed my arm and kept me on my feet.

"I'm gonna puke again." I said clutching my stomach.

"Hell Jace, what did you do? Drink everything at that stupid party?" he complained as he helped me stand and lead me to the bathroom.

An hour later I was laying in bed...Alec's bed. I wasn't really sure how I'd gotten here to be honest but I seemed to have stopped puking so that was good.

"Feeling any better?" Alec asked from the chair he'd apparently pulled in here so he could keep an eye on me. I think he was afraid I might try to ...well I wasn't quite sure...he always said I lived as if I wanted to die and I think right now he was more worried than ever. Maybe he had good reason to be...I was pretty sure that at the moment I wasn't anywhere close to being sane. I'm not sure if knowing that was a good sign or a bad one...

"Do you have to work today?" Alec asked. I shook my head and groaned as I realized I had a pounding headache.

Alec nodded "Good, you wouldn't be able to anyway. You're staying here today then. Unless of course you want to go home and have Izz look after you." he added before I could protest. We both know she would make me soup...or what she claimed was soup. I had my doubts...maybe she really was trying to kill me with that stuff. It would make more sense than her really being that bad of a cook did.

"Fine fine." I muttered not at all in the mood to talk but Alec had other things in mind.

"How not okay are you?"

"What?" what the hell kind of question was that?

He sighed. "I would ask if you were okay but I know you'd say you were and I don't really feel like being lied to right now if you don't mind."

I would have smacked him...but smacking required moving and I didn't really feel like doing that.

I thought of what I'd done to Clary last...I was about to say something when Alec's doorbell started ringing. We both knew without a doubt who it was.

"Make her stop!" I groaned, the noise was NOT helping my head in the least and I doubted it was helping his either.

Alec nodded and soon instead of incessant ringing I had to put up with a over worried sister. I was surprised though, instead of her normal annoying and very often loud self she was quite, almost gentle...okay honestly this was even more annoying than normal Izzy...but it hurt my head less than normal Izzy and I felt I needed to look on the bright side - at least till I realized brightness only made my head hurt more...my thoughts were jumbled and rambling so I tried to focus on Izzy instead.

"Hey...how're you feeling?"

"Like crap."

She nodded. "You'll feel better if you apologize."

How the hell did she know anything about what happened last night?

"I've heard a lot of cures for hangovers Izz but I've never heard that one before." I answered as if I didn't know what she meant.

"Come on Jace...I saw your face when you didn't know where she was...I saw your face when you saw her dancing with other guys. I'm not stupid. It's okay to like someone, don't screw this up by being your big headed self."

This was rich coming from Izz of all people. But I didn't point that out. That would just lead to them pointing out all the things wrong with me and I didn't want to waste five hours of my life like that thank you very much.

Alec met Jace's eyes for a moment. "You have to eat."

"I'd rather not."

"I'd rather be a unicorn...but I'm not." Isabelle replied matter of factly.

Alec nodded "And with those words of wisdom...or insanity...I'm going to go pick up some food for us. Isabelle will take care of you till I get back."

I opened my mouth to protest but closed it promptly when Alec said, "Or I can stay with you and our darling sister can cook for us."

Alec ducked out of the room with a quiet laugh as a pillow came flying at his head.

Once Alec was gone Isabelle sat on the edge of the bed.

"What happened Jace?"

...

Now that Alec was gone Isabelle couldn't hold herself back any longer. She hugged her brother.

"You're an doit." she told him brushing the hair back from his face.

"I though a party was a good idea...I didn't think you'd try to drink yourself to death."

"I wasn't...I was...never mind. I'm fine Izz. Stop worrying."

"Jace...I know you miss her. We all do. We'll never stop missing her. She was our sister as much as yours!"

It annoyed her that Jace acted like he was the only one who had been affected by his sister's death.

"Sarah would hate me now..." he muttered.

"I somehow doubt that."

"What do you know about it? Oh that's right. You're a unicorn. You know everything with your magical unicorn powers right?"

"I said I wanted to be a unicorn Jace. Not that I was one." she sounded so indignant that Jace had to laugh at her.

She smiled slightly in spite of her self.

"Come on...tell me what happened."

Normally if Jace was going to talk to anyone it would be Alec...but right now with her hair loose around her face, slightly wavy from having been washed and not yet straightened, not wearing any makeup (she had hurried over as soon as she woke up and realized Jace wasn't home, she'd not even bothered with showering until she got to Alec's and made sure Jace was okay) she reminded him of his other sister...maybe he was simply losing it...but with her hair down the way Sarah used to wear her's and more importantly her eyes wide with love and concern for her brother he had to think of the times after their mother had died, after...after his life had fallen apart for the first time.

_He was 11 sitting in his room, only it wouldn't be his much longer. Like everything else he was losing this too._

_He heard the door open and pulled the covers over his head not wanting to look at his sister._

_"You can't hide forever Jace."_

_She said sitting on the bed much the same way Isabelle was now._

_"I can try."_

_She sighed and pulled the covers away from his face._

_"Come on Jace, you can trust me. Tell me everything. Maybe I can help."_

"Jace. Try to trust me. Maybe I can help." Isabelle said as if echoing the memory of his other sister. He know Sarah had likely said the same thing to her many times...everyone trusted Sarah with their problems she had just been one of those people.

Maybe it was because he was so hungover but he found himself telling his sister what he'd done...how he had hurt the only girl he'd ever cared about...how he didn't even know why he cared about her, he'd just met her after all. Much to his horror he even told her how he hadn't meant say those things. How it scared him when he did things like that, like he wasn't even controlling his own body. To his shock she listened quietly and didn't interrupt once. When he was done she hugged him.

"Jace...when you lose it like that...can you tell when it's going to happen?"

He shrugged, "Sometimes...I know I can keep it from happening at work and things like that...but other then that...I have no clue how to stop it Izz..."

She nodded. "It's going to be okay Jace. I promise."

"Aren't you afraid of me now?" he had to ask...wouldn't they think of him as a monster if they knew how he lost control?

"No. I'm not. I'm afraid of losing another sibling though...Jace if you ever think you might hurt yourself...if you need someone to talk to or just to be with you...please tell me. You know Alec and I would do anything for you right? Help us help you. Please Jace?" she never showed her feelings like this but then Jace never admitted to fear either and he he'd just told her he was scared of himself.

Jace didn't say anything. He couldn't. If he spoke he might cry and he had been taught never to cry.

"Maybe you should talk to someone?" she suggested knowing that while it might help there was no chance he would do it. He was too stupid and stubborn. She knew she wouldn't do it and they were very much alike, it was why they fought so often.

"I'm talking to you."

"You what I mean Jace..."

"They'd lock me up...I can't tell anyone...I shouldn't have told you...but I trust you...maybe too much for your own good..."

"They wouldn't Jace. But I know...I wouldn't be able talk to anyone like that either...there's only two people I trust enough."

Jace started at her unable to believe that he could be one of those people.

"You stupid. You and Alec. Promise me you'll tell one of us when you feel like that. Please Jace...If you won't I'll have to tell mom...Please Jace. I just want you to be safe."

He nodded. "I promise Izz. I swear I'll tell you when I feel like that."

She hugged him again so tightly it hurt but he didn't mind. "I love you Jace. Don't think you can get away from us that easily. We're not letting you go."

It took everything he had not to cry. Instead him returned the hug which he knew was almost as bad as crying and whispered thank you.

"You should sleep now. I'll be right here though. I promise."

He nodded, he was suddenly very tired. But he didn't want to sleep he didn't want to leave his sister...he took her hand, she smiled at him.

"I'm right here. I promise. I'm not leaving."

"You really don't want to run away?"

"I really don't, and I really won't. Not ever Jace."

...

Jace had fallen asleep holding his sister's hand and woken to find her still sitting with him talking quitly with Alec.

"You told him."

They both nodded.

"I'm sorry Jace...I had to..."

Alec sat next to him. "Don't kill her. And don't worry Jace...I've known about this...for a while...I didn't know it was this bad...but I trust you. More than you trust yourself."

"Maybe you're wrong."

"I'm not. Now eat." Alec said firmly, handing him a plate of takeout he'd picked up while Jace was sleeping.

After they ate Alec glanced at his phone; Magnus wanted to know what time he was coming over... he wasn't sure he should leave Jace though...

"Alec what's wrong?" Jace asked seeing the look on his face.

"Nothing."

Jace looked at Isabelle was who looking him waiting for the order. He nodded and she shot across the room and grabbed Alec's phone handing it to Jace.

"Go. Now. You have a headache Alec and don't try to deny it. Let him take care of you. Please?"

Isabelle nodded, she didn't know how Jace could tell Alec had a headache...it was as if they could read each others minds...but she could tell from Alec's face that Jace was right.

"Go. I'll stay with him." she turned to Jace and don't you dare protest. I want to stay with you. There's nothing to do at home anyway."

"You're sure?" Alec hesitated.

"Yes. Go." they both answered together.

...

Magnus head Alec knock and knew how badly his baby was doing. Alec had a key and could let himself in whenever he felt like it. He only knocked when he was feeling especially bad about himself. When he felt like he didn't deserve to have a key, when he was unsure of whether of not he was wanted here.

"Alexander." he said softly as he opened the door. "You don't have to knock precious."

Alec simply sighed and brought up one hand to rub his temple.

"Oh Alexander." he breathed pushing Alec back against the wall. He had his hands against Alec's chest and he could feel his heartbeat speed up at his touch. But instead of smiling like he normally would have he sighed again

"Magnus...my head hurts."

Magnus knew Alec often got headaches from stress and wouldn't say anything about them till they were full blown migraines. He could tell this one was a bad one from the way he didn't even protest, or claim to be okay when he said, "Oh sweetie...let me make it better baby."

He only smiled weakly and muttered "please."

"Let's get you to bed beautiful." he whispered not even caring that his wonderful plans for the night were ruined.

"Magnus...I'm sorry." he whispered. He knew Magnus hadn't counted on spending his night caring for a sick boyfriend.

"Don't be silly. The only reason I'm upset is I hate the way you put yourself through this. How long have had this one Alec?"

"...Three days..."

Magnus guided him to his bed and waited while he got comfortable.

"Did you take anything yet?"

Alec shook his head and winced at the pain caused by the motion.

"I'll be right back sweetie."

Alec had been trying his best to be strong, to put up with the pain...but he simply couldn't take anymore. Magnus knew this. This wasn't the first time he'd taken care of Alec for something that could have been much less severe if only the boy would ask for help in the first place!

"Here sit up and take this." he handed him two excedrin migraine tablets, and a cup of something.

Alec obeyed and smiled in thanks when he saw Magnus had made him tea or he called it a magic potion.

"It pays to date the high warlock of Brooklyn huh?" Magnus teased gently.

Alec rolled his eyes but gratefully took the tea a special calming blend of herbs and crap that Alec didnt really understand, what he did understand was that Magnus had invited it just for him. He felt a bit better just being here but his head was still throbbing, it felt like little knives were being dug into his temples and slowly twisted, the pain radiated out to his hold head especially behind his eyes.

"I wish I could just take my head off..." he mumbled.

"I've got a better a idea." he slipped behind Alec and sat so that he was leaning against the wall and Alec could lean against him.

"Relax for me Blue Eyes."

Sometimes all the pet names got on Alec's nerves but at times like this they were strangely comforting.

"Jace needs me..." but he didn't think he could move right now, Magnus rubbing his shoulders was just too soothing.

"Jace needs you to be able to function. He's a butthead but he doesn't want you suffering for him."

Alec tried to say something but Magnus put a hand gently over his mouth.

"Hush my pretty. Jace texted me. He asked me to make sure you okay."

"Jace did that?" Alec was touched that his brother cared about him enough to do that. Jace didn't like Magnus and Alec knew it, it would have taken a lot for him to text him and tell him Alec needed help that he couldn't give.

"He didn't know you were coming anyway... now why would you not have told him that?"

"I didn't want him to think he had to leave...I..."

Magnus nodded, he thought as much..."Hush now baby. It's okay to be okay."

"I'm scared for him. What if he...what if he does something stupid...? What would I do without him?" Jace was more than just his brother and his best friend, he wasn't sure how he would have survived high school without him and he still needed him.

"It's going to be okay Alexander. I promise. You're both going to be okay." his mind was whirling, to help Alec he had to help Jace, Clary was the key to helping Jace...but how?

R**eview for a sneak peek!**

**If you answered the questions after the last chapter and would like a one shot written for you PM me the following info**

**1) The world you would like it to be set in (from the book, from this story)**

**2) The main characters and the type of relationship you wish them to have.**

**3) A plot of some kind. It can be a vague or as detailed as you wish.**

**4) Anything I'm forgetting...any random details or whatever you want. I want to make this exactly the way you want it was let me know exactly what you want. :)**


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